Katie Bee Creative » This blog is about my creations, my life and my family. ~Katie Watson

~The thing is….~

Thursday, September 2, 2010 at 5:30am Posted in About Me, Family, Uncategorized

The thing is……..this waiting is driving me crazy. I feel suspended in motion…………like I can’t start anything new and can’t finish anything I’ve started.

I’m just waiting. Waiting to hear from Dad, waiting to hear how he is or if he heard from the doctor. I suppose i’m in shock. I can’t believe he has cancer. I hope it hasn’t spread. I wish I could say he was feeling better but he’s not. He sounds exhausted and flat, not like my normal Dad. It breaks my heart to hear him this way. I’ve never seen my Dad this weak.

He was broken after my brother died but he was still strong. I just hear him fading right now. That scares me. I don’t know what we are going to hear tomorrow but we will take whatever information we get and we will find the best cancer hospital or treatment center for him. Pancreatic Cancer is nasty business. We will fight this thing together. But, I’m scared. He owns his own business so what little energy he does have is going to his business. My kids are in school and his work is about 45 minutes away from where we live and so I’ve offered to help him. I don’t know how to do his line of work so thankfully he has a full staff but I told him I can help him with whatever personal stuff he needs help with…he says he’s fine right now. I’m not volunteering in the kids class this year and will put my mid life crisis on hold for a while to help take care of my dad. Seems as if I should save up my energy for the real crisis at hand.

My Dad is a busy guy. The only time you can get him to stop is when he is on vacation. Like I said in a previous blog post, he juggles a lot of balls. He does it well, too. He is a former Navy pilot, a Helo Bubba. A respected retired Commander. A successful business man. A good father.

part II-

I had to break this blog post into 2 parts. Phone break, dinner break, kiddos bedtime break…

Derek called to tell me that he wasn’t going to be home tonight. Their plane had some “issues” and they are still halfway across the country. He sounded so disappointed that he was going to miss the appointment in the morning. I cried. I need him. I would rather that he pilot a safe plane then be here though. He should be home tomorrow afternoon. If I can keep it together until then. I do not have high hopes for tomorrow morning’s appointment. (Dad doesn’t read my blog so don’t be worried that I am upsetting him by saying this). I say this because of how sick he is feeling. He is still losing weight. He is running a fever off and on. He has horrible pain and he is exhausted.

Damn, I wish Derek was going to be here….I swear it seems he is gone when every major thing happens. That makes him feel even worse, I know. He is my rock. I have depended on him like crazy this last couple of weeks years. I have been a bit helpless and in a bit of a “duh” mood………..and my emotions are like a roller coaster!! I have shed lots of tears and he has shed some with me. We are like “blood” sister and brother now……after all we have been through in our 13 years together and all that our families have been through, Derek and I are bonded for life. So, like ewwwww on the brother and sister part. But you know what I mean. Like we HAVE to stay together forever because we have been to hell and back.

So, once again……………rambling…………i know. The alternative is to cry. Anyhow, my whole life is changing right before my eyes. A girl has so much wrapped up in her Dad. Seeing my girls with Derek makes me think of me being a little girl with my Dad. Even though I am about 30 years past being a little girl, I still adore my Dad just the same. No matter how old you are. 39 or 9 there is something special to say about little girls and their Daddies.

Someone sent my dad a coffee cup that he finds quite funny….it says, “Hey Cancer! F*&% You!” He doesn’t even know who sent it but he sure gets a kick out of it. He thought it was either his brother or Derek as they both have an equally wicked sense of humor but it wasn’t either of them. I agree wholeheartedly with the statement. F*%$ You Cancer!

~Katie

by Katie

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September 2, 2010 - 6:57 am julie wehbe - Katie,My father died of lung cancer when he was 63 years old. He died 10 months after my mother died of ovarian cancer at the age of 63. They were married 43 years and had been together sinse my dad was in kindergarten and my mother was a 1st grader. They had 4 children. I am the oldest with 3 younger brothers. I tell you this only to let you know that I truly have been where you are, and I have a very real idea of what you are feeling. Your amazing spirit and the way you share your secret inner garden through your incredible art has truly touched me. I will be following you on your journey, and will be keeping you and your family in my heart. Try not to be scared, and hang in there girl. If I can help you in any way, you have but to ask. Julie

September 2, 2010 - 11:57 am Peggy - Hi Katie, thinking of you this morning and hoping for hopeful news. Houston has MD Anderson, one of the best hospitals in the world, yes world. Inventive treatment and incredible doctors. Their website is great. They have great support systems (I volunteers for years). Hope.

September 2, 2010 - 1:04 pm Patty M - I hope you can feel the prayers going up for you during this mornings doctor appointment. I pray an extra portion of strength for you both. Patty

September 2, 2010 - 1:45 pm Katie - Julie, wow.....both parents to cancer. You know my grandma always said....."I complained that I had no shoes, until I met the man with no feet.". I can't imagine losing both parents. I am sure I'll be asking lots of questions. Thank you for your support. ~Katie

September 2, 2010 - 1:52 pm sharron - yall have been through more than anyone i know...i told my husband "your story" the other night and he was like wow...speechless. i pray for you and your family every day. i hope today you feel the strength of all of us out here thinking and praying for you and your Dad. hope Derek makes it home soon too. blessings girl.

September 2, 2010 - 5:46 pm Tracy J - Hang in there! You and your Dad are in my prayers.

September 2, 2010 - 6:46 pm Sandy McClay - Just dropping by to let you know I am thinking of all of you and sending positive prayers and wishes your way....

September 3, 2010 - 12:20 am Melanie Keenan - I really hope you get some uplifting news...even if it's the slightest of positive news!! Something good!! Something with hope!! I will keep your dad in my prayers for his cancer to not be spreading and for him to be cured. I will keep you in my prayers for strength and courage to get through this. Lean on Him. If anything at least you can talk to Him. On a lighter note...I have to say that (quote)"eeeewww...on the brother sister thing." gave me quite a chuckle!!! But I totally get what you're saying there!!!! Hugs, Melanie

September 3, 2010 - 2:07 am Linda - All of you are very lucky to have eachother. Believe in miracles...

~I create to be Happy~

Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at 4:48pm Posted in Maya Road, October Afternoon, Projects, Uncategorized

I create because it makes me happy. It takes me to a quiet peaceful place. This last couple of weeks though…i have been unable to do much creating…I think my mind is just too numb to even do the things that I love. Before I found out about my Dad being sick I had started a serious overhaul of my scrapbook room. I decided to finally get it organized and de-stash it….and I did make some serious progress but halted once I found out the news about my dad. The nice thing is that I know it’s waiting for me when I’m ready…and art doesn’t nag or guilt-trip. It’s there when I am ready to go back to it.

I am teaching in October at the Artistic Journey Event in Texas and we did a little tag project just to build our excitement. We were to do a tag that told about our journey with art. Mine is simple. Art makes me happy.

I also snapped a few pictures as I was working on my craft/scrapbook room..thought I would share them since I have not much else to share this morning. Funny, I only got one side of my room…..the other sides will have to wait.

Anyhow………….I guess I should do a few things around here instead of just moping around this morning.

Have a great day.

~Katie

by Katie

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August 31, 2010 - 5:28 pm Tracy J - Great room, Katie. I love that white cabinet with all the drawers. And those pin cushions full oh stick pins..oh my! Can't wait to meet you and take your class!

August 31, 2010 - 7:45 pm Sue - Your room would certainly make ME happy ;) - looks great. Thinking of you and your dear dad xxx

August 31, 2010 - 9:12 pm Kathy Haase - I recognize the K&Co paper rack. I like the way your red shelving is done. everything is visable. thinking of you and miss you too!

August 31, 2010 - 9:21 pm Stephanie - I love your room! It's so chic!!! :)

August 31, 2010 - 9:40 pm JenGallacher - What a cool, creative spot, Katie! :)

August 31, 2010 - 10:39 pm slammie - HUGS! Love the way you've organized and especially love the red unit!

August 31, 2010 - 11:22 pm Brenda Kula - I adore your red cabinet! Such a cheerful color for a creative room. Brenda

August 31, 2010 - 11:49 pm sharron - That huge ream of bakers twine...goodness...love it!! Love the big red hutch and all of the chippy vintage storage cubbies...looks so peaceful!! Continued prayers for your Dad! Oh yeah love the tag too..so YOU!!!

September 1, 2010 - 12:44 pm Leah C - I think it looks like a happy place...love, love your red cabinet:)

September 1, 2010 - 7:21 pm Sandy McClay - Katie, What a beautiful LARGE room you have! And all of those wonderful pieces of vintage furniture...it has to be a happy place for you....I just redid mine but haven't gotten to the "finishing" touches, but I love that I can swing around to any side of the little room.....I think of you often, and hope you are OK...please know in my little tiny way I am here for you and yours.....XOXO Sandy

September 1, 2010 - 11:33 pm Mariah - Room looks cute!! Try to stay busy. I know it's extremely hard to do. But just try. It does help, a little. I've been saying my prayers for your dad.

September 2, 2010 - 12:21 am Melanie Keenan - My space needs an overhaul too!! But where, oh where to start!! I guess you just pick a corner and get to work, huh? I'm continually praying for your dad...may you find some peace so you can create and be HAPPY!!!! :)

September 2, 2010 - 3:06 am Mandy - I need to clean up my scrapbook room too. Sometimes you just have to go with it, and you will know when its time to go back and start creating again. I am the same way. When things are really getting to me, I just cant scrapbook. I have to ask, where did you get that big roll of twine...I love it! mandy

September 2, 2010 - 7:17 pm deedee r - Love your AJ tag. :) It makes me happy too. Also love your red and white cabinets.

~Dear Toothfairy….~

Friday, August 27, 2010 at 1:36am Posted in Family

She will be 11 in October. I love that she still believes in the tooth fairy. She left this note, with her 2 honkin huge molars (complete with roots) under her pillow and the kind tooth fairy understanding her dilemma left her $20. I mean, it’s not like Hannah has many more baby teeth and these ones were all molars and she did have to endure many shots to get these suckers out…I think that qualifies for a little bit of extra money for pain and suffering. Don’t you?

The only thing the tooth fairy forgot was some fairy dust………..darn fact that the glitter was on the 2nd floor and the tooth fairy’s husband had been out of town for a week and so the poor tooth fairy was very tired and didn’t have the energy to run fly upstairs. Of course, the tooth fairy thought that H would have forgotten about the fairy dust…..but it was the 2nd thing she looked for. I guess it will be a gradual breaking her in of the real news….first it’s the fairy dust…next…..oh, I’m not ready yet. I just want her to stay little forever. and ever.

btw- yes, the bleeding did stop. The back of the note asks the tooth fairy to please stop the pain also. The Motrin took care of that. After all that tugging, she was quite sore. Hannah needs braces but these darn 3 molars just weren’t budging so they had to be pulled. Next stop is braces.

Have a great Evening!

~Katie

by Katie

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August 27, 2010 - 2:48 am Tracy J - Ahhh...mine too had to have permanment teeth pulled to make room, before braces. Love that she still believes in the magic of the tooth fairy!

August 27, 2010 - 3:28 am deedee r - So sweet. Big hugs to you and your girl.

August 27, 2010 - 12:31 pm Lynn - Love little captures of innocence of your little girl, the innocence that only children are capable of. Thanks for making my day!

August 27, 2010 - 1:48 pm Amy Baldwin - What a sweet little note. I how I wish they could stay young forever! The pure innocence is the best....

August 27, 2010 - 2:31 pm pam - We have a Vietnamese friend. Her son lost his 1st tooth and was talking about the toothfairy. That night she took me aside for a question ... "Who is this toothfairy ??! She was very surpised to learn that it would be her !! The next day I asked her son if the toothfairy came ..."Yep, she left $20 and a toy !" Talk about setting the bar high !!

August 29, 2010 - 3:45 am Karen - Takes me back to when my youngest wanted "proof" that the tooth fairy existed. She needed a note AND a picture. She found the note and the tooth fairy had drawn a picture of herself on it! That note is so typical of the innocence in the hearts of children.

August 30, 2010 - 2:13 am Sandy McClay - Katie, This is so precious....not too many 11 years olds today still are at this point! I love the note! And I think the tooth fairy did a very good job!!!!!!! Thinking of you....:) Sandy I remember that the tooth fairy would run out of firy dust often....:):)

August 30, 2010 - 8:52 pm Michelle Magana - Oh how I wish I can keep my kids from growing up too fast too! We just pulled out my daughters first loose tooth out the other day. She was so excited to put her tooth under the pillow she almost lost it. Thank goodness for mommy's patience and determination and fount it! Yay! Now like you I have to save up for braces, cuz her teeth are coming out wonkey. Eeek!

~Ramblings and 11:11~

Friday, August 20, 2010 at 11:10pm Posted in Family, Uncategorized

I have no one to babble to right now and the silence is killing me but yet I can’t get my mind to stop racing long enough to engage in a busy activity. I’m kind of hosed right now. Writing helps. As you know if you have read my blog, i use my blog as a bit of a release and as a journal of sorts.

The writing has been good for me but the comments of support and advice throughout the years have been incredibly helpful to me. I have drawn strength from them many times.

Just for a bit, this will be about me. I have a physical ache in my heart. It’s weird. I can physically feel my broken heart. I feel my sadness in my left chest area where my heart is located. Feelings are connected to our physical self in some way, I guess.

I have butterflies in my stomach. I am scared.

I’m too sad to be mad. Yet. I’m sure I will be. Such Random crap all the time in our lives. Random hard things and unfair things and i’m kind of tired of all these things.

I’m sick of rationalizing it all in my head. I’m sick of finding places to put it all. Some of these are heartbreaks that only time will heal and so until they heal they gotta be stored somewhere. So I tuck these heartbreaks away and try to act normal.

But nope, I worry all the time that something is going to happen. and it usually does happen. It has been a rough few years. I am so glad that I am working with a good therapist who is a trauma/grief specialist, as i think my life might count as one. One big grieving hole. I appreciate what I have but there have been lots of hard things to deal with in my life also.

Most people just get scared that bad stuff is going to happen, in our family…..it really seems to happen. I’m sick of trying to find the silver linings. Sick of it.

So,I am questioning something in my head.

Here’s where you all will think i’m wacko. I think my brother has been sending me signs.

When he and I were teens we always saw the clock at 11:11. It kind of became our thing. We’d always be like, “Dang…….it’s 11:11 again dude!”.

So after Ben died, every time I saw/see 11:11, I say hi to him. Even Derek says hi sometimes and he never even got to meet Ben.

Well. Dad went to the ER on Wed. August 11th.

The next day I saw the clock at 11:11am and 11:11pm and was like hmmmm……

The next morning in the car with my sister, I was I was telling her about the 11:11’s and we looked at the clock in the car and it was 11:10 turning 11:11.

So, we get to my sister’s house and my Mom is there and Jodi mentions the 11:11 thing and Mom says, “Oh 11:11 was mine and Ben’s special time!”. Huh? I did not know that, weird.

So, I told her the 11:11 flood I had been receiving including the date of the 11th. Since then I have seen 11:11 so many times. It’s not that I’m looking for it, if you know me then you know I am way too spazy to ever even know what time it is, let alone watch the clock for a certain time. I can’t even walk away from water waiting to boil or else I forget about it. I have to stand there and wait. Spaz, I know.

So, it’s random…..I’ll walk out of the bathroom and the numbers on the bedroom clock are staring right at me, 11:11.

I laid in bed the other night with my eyes closed for a really long time thinking about my Dad and thinking about the flood of 11:11’s and opened my eyes and it was 11:11.

A bunch of times this week that time has been on the clock.

Turns out November is Pancreatic Awareness Month. Another 11.

Weird.

Maybe it’s just Ben saying that he is here with us. Maybe it’s just a coincidence. It doesn’t feel like just a coincidence though.

Anyhow, I am so tired. The girls are spending the night at a friends house down the street, thank God. Derek was visiting my Dad on his way home from work and should be home soon. So, tonight will be quiet….I’ll have Derek here and no little girls to freak out. Hannah was so sweet, she didn’t want to leave because she didn’t want me to be alone. She lingered forever. Maddy wrote a prayer to God and put it under her pillow and slept on it last night. This can’t be easy for them. We have chosen to be honest with them as much as is reasonable. We think that secrets create anxiety. Feelings are heavy around all those they love right now so they pick up on what is going on anyhow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrote this last night but didn’t finish….and saw 11:11 last night and again this morning, 11:11.

Hmmmmmmmm……..

I don’t know.

What is the message? Is it that he’s here with us. Or is it that he will be with Dad? What is it? It doesn’t make me feel calm. It makes me feel kind of freaked out. I think once I figure it out, I’ll find comfort in it.

Anyhow, I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Give those you love a kiss and hug. Tell them that you love them.

~Katie

by Katie

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August 21, 2010 - 12:15 am Lisa - You're still in my thoughts. I have no wise words or anything. Just stopping in to see how you're doing.

August 21, 2010 - 12:32 am grace - hello katie ~ i've never commented before, but the 11:11 coincedences has finally given me an opening because i have 4 crazy kids and i equate that time to them which i know is kinda silly (i see numbers tied to other things too) but as "wacky" as you might think it is, you just can't ignore it and i am with you that there are signs everywhere, we just have to keep our eyes & hearts open... i don't know exactly what it means, but i hope you take comfort in knowing that our loved-ones will always be with us :) and remember that saying: "when you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot, and hang in there!"

August 21, 2010 - 1:41 am Vickey R. - Katie, You're not wacko. I'm sure 11:11 means something and you'll figure it out. It could mean both things. For sure it's a sign though. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Hang on. Sending good thoughts and prayers to you.

August 21, 2010 - 1:43 am Ale - Oh Katie, I don't know what to say... It's just really hard and sad but know that you, your dad and your family are always on my prayers and thoughts. Be strong for him and take care of yourself. As for the 11:11, I agree it is a sign, we just need to figure it out... And remember, I'm always here if you need anything... Big hug!

August 21, 2010 - 2:53 am Lisa M. Pace - I had to look up what the meaning of 11:11 meant as I just felt it had to mean something... kinda freaky. http://globalpsychics.com/enlightening-you/numerology/1111.shtml Hugs to you Katie.

August 21, 2010 - 3:03 am Katie - Wow, is all I can say. Goosebumps.

August 21, 2010 - 3:19 am NanaBeth - My heart is crying for you. I know that very real physical pain of a heart breaking. And I believe-hope-that sometimes our loved ones do reach out from the other side.

August 21, 2010 - 3:37 am Melissa S. - Still thinking and praying for you and your dad with a very heavy heart....

August 21, 2010 - 1:26 pm Sally - My feeling is that he's trying to tell you that he's still there for you and wants to surround you with his love. We're praying for you.

August 21, 2010 - 3:07 pm sharron - I think Ben is looking out for all of you right now..telling you to be brave that he is giving you a hug to help you through this. Prayers...

August 21, 2010 - 9:12 pm Leah C - The same kind of thing occurs with me...except it's the time 12:34. My 15 year old daughter says that every time you see 11:11 on the clock, you should make a wish:) Just think of all the wishes you could make...here's hoping one will come true! Hugs & prayers, Katie.

August 21, 2010 - 10:47 pm Dee - Hey Katie, Thinking about you a lot lately. I believe that 11:11 absolutely means something. It's a God Wink. Have you ever read that book? Anyway, I wonder....Could it mean that your brother is telling you he's good and no matter what happens, your dad will be good too? I don't know. My heart is heavy for you, but I know you're strong and will be a wonderful daughter through this journey with your dad.

August 22, 2010 - 3:33 pm Karen - Katie, I too have felt that physical breaking of the heart, as has everyone I know. Then comes that punch-in-the-gut-I-am-in-such-pain-I-can't-get-up feeling. It'll get better. And I'll keep praying. Hang in there girl.

August 22, 2010 - 4:32 pm Raine - I don't think your 11:11 theory is crazy at all! My family and I have always though 11:11 is kinda special. We say "It's 11:11 make a wish." Next time I notice 11:11, I will be thinking of you.

August 22, 2010 - 8:36 pm heather prins - Katie that is cool and you should find comfort in it. There are no coincidences.

August 23, 2010 - 5:05 pm Tootie - I will say a prayer for your family!!

August 25, 2010 - 4:05 am Danielle - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, Katie. I will pray for you and your family! If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to call me. My door is always open! Danielle

August 25, 2010 - 2:12 pm Sue - Thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome(((((hug)))) I too believe in all the signs - we have our own here too . Take care xx

August 26, 2010 - 11:35 pm a friend - Your thoughts and posts are beautiful. I love your train of thought writing. Know that there are many of us out here who read your blog who are praying for your strength in this difficult time.

August 30, 2010 - 11:40 pm Sheila - Katie, I have known you a long time. You have been through so much in my years of knowing you. You are a very strong woman, with a huge heart. Just know that there are a lot of people out here praying for you. I think deep down inside you already may know the meaning to the 11:11. Just keep looking and praying for the answer it will come to you. Being that it is tied to such loving memories of Ben. Don't be freaked out. Give the girls and Cory a big hug for me. Tell your Mom hello. I am continually praying for your dad. I really miss talking to you. Take care of yourself..

~Dear God~ August 19th, 2010.

Thursday, August 19, 2010 at 11:21pm Posted in Family

Dear God,

Well, the deal isn’t working out so well. The doctor called today. Malignant.

I’m going to hold up to my end of the bargain and i’m going to pray to you that you heal my Dad.

I’m going to pray to you that you take that evil Pancreatic Cancer and you dissolve it. You send it to where all evil goes.

I’m going to pray to you that you wrap my Dad in your arms and you keep him warm and safe. He is a good man, a great Dad. I still need him. I don’t want to see him hurting.

Please God, listen to me. I am looking up at you through those green leaves again and begging you to help me.

Please help my Dad.

Love,

Katie

My Dad- Mort McCarthy

taken this summer

by Katie

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August 20, 2010 - 12:02 am Lisa M. Pace - Continued prayers are being sent to you and your dad. I'm so sorry you all are having to go through such terrible times. Remember you have lots of friends to lean on. Hugs!

August 20, 2010 - 12:06 am Beth - Katie I am praying for your Dad. I have been exactly where you are and its hard........

August 20, 2010 - 12:13 am Diana Fleming - damn. I don't know you or know your dad, but I will keep him and your family in my prayers. I'm a cancer survivor myself and know all the ups downs and angry prayers. He hears them all and I know that He cares (even with tears rolling down my face and shaking my fist at him wondering where's the good in this) and will hold us close in our worst times. Hope you can find atleast one moment of peace, joy and love at some point of each day. and your dad too. hold on to it with both hands.

August 20, 2010 - 12:14 am robin - I hope your dad kicks cancers ass katie! Keep your spirits up. My thoughts are with you and yours in these tough and unfair times.

August 20, 2010 - 12:33 am Vickey R. - Katie, I am grieving with you for the pain that lies ahead. But God can work miracles. I am praying for you, for all of you. Know that you have friends who care...

August 20, 2010 - 1:01 am Peggy - Hi Katie - I'm praying for your Dad and thinking of this line in my favorite prayer, St. Therese's. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. Here is a big soft blue hug for you and your Dad. As big as the mountains.

August 20, 2010 - 1:32 am Sandy McClay - Oh Katie, I am sorry for that damn report.....please be his voice when it comes to the doctors if he won't be....make sure they handle his pain!!!!! God is there Katie, even tho right now you don't think he is hering a single word.....be with him Katie every minute you can.

August 20, 2010 - 2:00 am Laura - Katie--Just another stranger who is praying for you, your dad, and your family.

August 20, 2010 - 2:51 am Amy - Sending big hugs and lots of hope your way. I will pray for a miracle. xoxo

August 20, 2010 - 3:38 am elaine - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

August 20, 2010 - 4:53 am Jennie M - I am so very sorry Katie...I will keep you and your father in my most positive thoughts. {{HUGS}}

August 20, 2010 - 4:53 am Krista - So sorry Katie. I will continue to pray for you and your dad. XOXO

August 20, 2010 - 5:50 am Lisa - That sucks. Cancer sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this. I will send lots of healing thoughts toward your Dad. He's cute. Makes me smile.

August 20, 2010 - 12:18 pm Natasha - So sorry to hear this, Katie. Still praying for you & your father x

August 20, 2010 - 1:56 pm shirley - Another stranger praying for your Dad and your family, I will keep checking back, hoping to hear good news. Lost too many loved ones to cancer, I pray that you will not. Sending healing thoughts and prayers.

August 20, 2010 - 2:43 pm Yvonne - God bless you in this time of need. I pray the Lord gives you, you father and family strength to battle this. My heart truly goes out to you. yvonne

August 20, 2010 - 3:00 pm Frances - Dear Katie~ You do not know me, we have never met, but your situation touches my soul so deeply. I hope that GOD answers all the prayers that are being said on you and your family's behalf, I will definitely keep you in mine. ---Frances

August 20, 2010 - 3:08 pm Leah C - Oh my heart hurts for you...this won't be an easy journey. Prayers, prayers, and more prayers.

August 20, 2010 - 4:17 pm Christi - Your dad looks like he is such a sweet soul. I cannot imagine how your heart must ache for him right now. You have many many people thinking of you and your family now and throughout this journey. Imagine this, two people in Winnipeg, MB, Canada just had a heartfelt conversation about you and your dad and you don't even know us nor do we know you. But we discussed how hard and painful this must be. Know that we (my fiance and I) are hoping for a miracle for your dad. I hurt for you right now. I love my dad and have seen him ill and in the hospital. Seeing your forever strong and powerful daddy at his weakest is hard. Very hard. There is no explanation for what is going on with your family, nor is it fair. I'm sorry for this. We are thinking of you today. Go give your dad an extra hug and kiss today. <3 Christi

August 20, 2010 - 4:37 pm Robyn - Dear sweet Katie. I know you are hearing again and again how truly sorry everyone is for your situation...I wish there were other words, other ways to describe how we can bear the burden and pain for someone else, even if it's someone we've never met. I am so sorry too. Really truly sorry. Your genuine transparency in your blog posts this week have been heart wrenching and so relateable. I have never been close with my own father. I have wished and prayed and tried for years upon years, but it is what it is. I've never personally known the kind of relationship you have with your Dad but I CAN imagine it and I am so thankful for you that you have experienced it. You have the days ahead, however many there are, to cherish your precious memories and make new ones. What I know for sure is that our Father in Heaven loves you infinitely more than you can even imagine and for everything that your earthly father wants for you, our Heavenly Father desires even MORE for you...more peace, more joy, more strength, more faith... I am praying and praying and praying for a MIRACLE for your Dad. God is faithful and He will provide. We will speak TRUTH and FAITH over your Daddy's life until he is HEALED!!! I know this news has taken your entire family by surprise but know it is not a surprise to God. He has known this day was coming and has prepared you for this very moment. You are stronger than you think and He will not leave you or forsake you....just keep calling out to Him and let Him comfort you. Here is an awesome song that I hope gives you comfort right now and in the days to come: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg I was sure by now, That You would have reached down And wiped our tears away, Stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen And it's still raining As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" And as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away. Chorus: I'll praise you in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am And every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry to You Raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find You And as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away I lift my eyes onto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, The maker of heaven and earth I lift my eyes onto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, The maker of heaven and earth Warmly, Robyn

August 20, 2010 - 5:33 pm Larry J - I am not religious but I hope that you and your Dad have the courage to go through this journey and know that you are not alone.

August 20, 2010 - 5:57 pm slammie - HUGS and P&PT heading out....

August 20, 2010 - 6:20 pm Erika M - Keeping everyone in my prayers

August 20, 2010 - 8:48 pm Sally - So sorry to hear about your dad. All I can say is "Believe in Miracles and the power of prayer!" My mom was diagnosed with colon cancer and the doctor told us she might have 1 - 1 1/2 years left. That was over 10 years ago and she is cancer free. So we'll add our prayers to you and hope for "your miracle".

August 20, 2010 - 8:53 pm bettina - Hi Katie, I always look at your blog, most daily.You make the most beautiful things and it inspires me a lot.When I read about your father I felt sad although i don't know you or your father.I wish you and your father and ofcourse the whole family a lot of strength. Bettina,Germany

August 20, 2010 - 9:57 pm Julia S - Katie...I'm thinking of you and your family and your Dad. I lost my Dad last year...suddenly. Recently retired...and just getting to start enjoying time off work. Every day I think about all the things we didn't get to do and will miss out on. As well as that I miss him...just miss him. So let's hope lots of prayers will help you keep your Dad around alot longer! HUGS

August 23, 2010 - 5:38 am Michelle Magana - Hey Katie! I just wanted to say that I am here for ya! I just went through this with my birthmom so I know all too well what you are going through right now. I know you dont know me but I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone, or questions or anything at all, I am here! Love on him and be there for him. I am so sorry you guys are going through this. Praying for you and your family! Michelle M.

August 23, 2010 - 2:14 pm Stephanie - Katie, sometimes the healing is on the other side. So if God does take your dad, he might just be answering your prayers in a way that we, on this earth, don't understand just yet. I prayed that God would spare my mom, and when he didn't, i had to accept that when he came for her, she stood up straight and tall, no more pain, no more cancer in her bones, no more paralization. I live for the day that I will see her again in Heaven. And I also want to ask God, "why" and I hope I get an answer.

~Dear God~ August 15th, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010 at 8:21am Posted in Family

Dear God,

You don’t need him as much as I do. There are too many things that we didn’t get to do. Too many conversations that we didn’t get to have. He just turned 61, he didn’t even get to retire yet.

You have my brother and my brother-in-law, isn’t that enough for now?

Let’s make a deal, OK? I’ll be the best daughter, best wife and best Mom that I can possibly be. I’ll figure out what I will be good at and go back to school. I’ll work hard and try to make a difference in the world. I will be kind and teach my children to be kind. I’ll start going back to church (yes, really. Just give me time to find the right church). In exchange, you let my Dad stay for a while longer. Like a long while.

We are not ready to lose him. I am not ready to lose him. The world is not ready to lose him. Trust me on this one. I know what I am talking about.

Love,

Katie

p.s.- if you disagree with the deal, please let me know prior to Wednesday’s Pathology Report reading. Also, then I would like to strike a similar deal concerning the amount of pain he has to endure. Minimal or none is preferred. Thank you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This scares me.

Listen to this, done by Dr. Randy Pausch.

You may have heard of Dr. Randy Pausch from his famous “The Last Lecture”

It is about an hour but it is amazing…… don’t have time for the original one…he did an abridged version for the Oprah Show, HERE.

and so now we wait. The procedure went fine on Friday, the meeting with the doctor…well, not as good. They put a biliary stent in to relieve the pressure from the tumor. My Dad was/is completely Jaundiced. He looks better then he did but his eyes are still yellow. He has to take pain pills every 4 hours or else the pain is miserable. He looks sick. He has been able to eat a bit but is still losing weight, although the weight loss is slowing down. Thank God.

I really don’t want to say much more until we get the final tests on Wednesday.

I have been praying a lot. And trying to make lots of deals with God.

We’ll see what happens, i guess it really is in his hands.

~Katie

p.s.- thank you SO MUCH for all the support. I need it so much right now.

by Katie

265 comments

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August 16, 2010 - 12:28 pm Kay - Katie, I continue to pray for your family and that your Dad is in the "15%". A book that you might consider picking up to begin answering questions about this diagnosis is 100 Questions & Answers About Pancreatic Cancer. I know that it answered a lot of questions for me when my Dad was diagnosed in 2004. Kay

August 16, 2010 - 1:14 pm Keshet Shenkar - Thinking of you, katie.

August 16, 2010 - 1:16 pm Linda - Hang in there! I am praying for your Dad, you and your family. Stay strong!

August 16, 2010 - 1:30 pm Eve - This is very difficult to read. My prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong Katie. God answers every prayer...in his time not ours and sometimes the answer is ... no. Please keep us all posted.

August 16, 2010 - 1:37 pm Patty M - Oh Katie, You (and your family) are in my prayers. God hears you...he desires to answer your way but he knows what is best. Just like when we want to give our children whatever they want but we see down the road and realize sometimes we have to say no for their sake. They don't understand right away but in time, they get it...I will continue to pray for the results to be good and for the pain to ease. Blessings, Patty

August 16, 2010 - 2:21 pm Sheila R - My "other" mom lived and survived pancreatic cancer for almost 3 years. 3 years to enjoy and love each other. May God give your Dad, you and your family guidance and strength during this time. My prayers are with you and your family.

August 16, 2010 - 4:39 pm sharron - Whatever you need..we are here. Prayers for good news on wednesday..

August 16, 2010 - 7:25 pm Melanie Keenan - Dear Lord, Please send angels to guard Katie's heart and heal her dad. We know that you do things for a reason and that you only give us what we can handle...but this family has been through so much heartache already!! You know their pain. If you must take Katie's dad, please Lord, fill her heart with your peace and love. Be with her and her family, God. Give them more time. Please.

August 16, 2010 - 7:31 pm Katie - thank you. so much.

August 16, 2010 - 7:33 pm Katie - I'm so sorry about your Dad. How long did he live after diagnosis? I'll look for the book. ~Katie

August 17, 2010 - 12:08 am Stephanie - My heart hurts for you, sweet Katie..You've already endured so much. I pray that God will spare your daddy.

August 17, 2010 - 12:32 am Shelley Haganman - Oh Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Your family is in my prayers and I mean that! I am so sorry you are hurting...it seems you have had a lot of that! I am thinking of you and praying.

August 17, 2010 - 2:12 am Rebecca - Praying for you and your sweet family.

August 17, 2010 - 3:05 am Vickey - Katie, I am praying for you,that your Dad is fine, that God will heal him but if that is not His will, then that He will give all of you strength to deal with what is in store. I know how it is, I lost my Dad a year ago this past May. It's hard, especially when you're close to him and your dad is so young. No matter what, keep talking to God. He will give you strength and comfort.

August 17, 2010 - 2:59 pm ana roat - Dear katie-Worry is like a rocking chair--you go back and forth and in the end get no where. Now is the time to give thanks that this amazing man is YOUR dad. Tell him you love him and that he is your hero. Celebrate his life while he is still with you. Get some rest--you won't be of any help if your tired and he can see it. My father passed away 3 years ago and before he died, he told me that when he was at his lowest point it was the love of life and promise of hope in his childrens eyes that gave him the strength to endure. May God bless you with everlasting peace that surpasses all understanding. Always in prayer...ana

August 17, 2010 - 6:52 pm Fran - Katie, My thoughts are with you and your family. I am sending good energy your way for your father. Hugs, Fran

August 17, 2010 - 8:33 pm Mary Kay - Dear katie, God be with you and your family through your Dad's treatment and recovery. My prayers are with you. God bless, Mary Kay

August 17, 2010 - 8:59 pm Leah C - Dear Katie, I am so very, very sorry for this scary time you & your Dad must deal with. Losing my Mom to lung cancer a year and a half ago was the most heartbreaking thing I've had to endure. I will pray for your Dad {& you}...praying for a better outcome for him. Hoping God answers your prayers.

August 18, 2010 - 2:15 am amy - Sweet Katie...I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. Your dad is at the top of my prayer list. Big hugs to you....you are in my prayers as well. xoxo

August 18, 2010 - 3:47 am kathleen.summers - So beautifully written and heartbreaking. Know that I am praying for your dad and for you and for your whole family. Thanks for the add on Facebook. Glad I could find your blog from there! Oh, and I will suggest a church for you, ok? http://temp.calvarypoway.net/ Love & Blessings, Kathleen

August 18, 2010 - 7:29 am Angie - Very touching letter Katie. Now that you have written it, leave it in God's hands. Our prayers are with you.

August 18, 2010 - 2:08 pm Vel - My thoughts are with you. I hope things work out. Hugs!

August 18, 2010 - 2:42 pm Jennifer - Oh Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your father. Your dad, you and your family are truly in my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 12:16 am Daisy - Sending prayers and thoughts your way.

August 19, 2010 - 1:39 am @laurenlankford - Darling woman - You are so loved. My heart aches for you...I wish I could give you a massive hug. I will be praying for a supernatural comfort, peace and strength for you. The absence of a father, physically or emotionally is one of the most difficult to bear - but He is so faithful to love us in every way that we so need. You are a strong woman, and have made it through so much already. Recognize that you are resilient and allow yourself to "feel good" about that, even though it's so, so hard. Always remember that everything we go through, particularly the painful, positions us for an amazing purpose. You are so loved and so cared for. - lauren "So we fix our eyes not on the seen but on the unseen, for it is the seen that is temporary but the unseen that is permanent."

August 19, 2010 - 2:04 pm Emma - Sending you much love...

August 19, 2010 - 2:04 pm Amelia - You and your family are in my thoughts. I hope everything gets better for you really soon.

August 19, 2010 - 2:07 pm Ashley - Hang in there. You are in my thoughts and prayers. This is such a trying time, but you are a strong individual and from what it sounds like, so is your father! God Bless.

August 19, 2010 - 2:07 pm Jade - Katie, it's heartbreaking having to imagine what you're going through right now, but you're so brave to keep going. You're all in my thoughts just now, and I hope that whatever happens, there will be angels to look after you. You're amazing, don't ever forget that. <3

August 19, 2010 - 2:09 pm Lauren - Darling Katie, I'm praying for you and your family. You are such a strong person to put this out there. I wish you peace and comfort in this trying time. Lots of love. xox

August 19, 2010 - 2:09 pm Jeffrey - Hi Katie. Wow. This hits really close to home for me. Three weeks ago I lost both parents in a car accident. Nothing compares to the love of a parent. I'm thinking about you, your dad and your family. Please know there is a huge community of people around the world pulling for you as well. Stay strong. Hugs, Jeffrey

August 19, 2010 - 2:09 pm Priyasha - Katie, I'm so sorry. I honestly know what you're feeling right now, and I promise you, it makes you stronger. It might not get better, but you'll find ways to smile. The little things will start mattering more - this will make you see that. You can get through this, and so can your dad. I'm so so sorry that you have to go through this, nobody deserves to but it will be for the better. Do something amazing. I love you, I'll be praying for you. Priyasha

August 19, 2010 - 2:11 pm Chrissy - I'm so sorry to hear this news. I hope things work out for you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 2:11 pm Megan - Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers today, Katie. God does amazing things for us, in us, and through us, even though sometimes it's so hard to see how it'll all work out. Keep your chin up and know that people love and care about you. Praying everything will turn out well!

August 19, 2010 - 2:11 pm Megan Ogulnick - Dear Katie- My heart absolutely breaks for you. I can't imagine going through the loss you have been through and now the news of your father. Your strength and resiliency is an inspiration to all of us and I am better for having heard your story. The most important thing now is to think positive and spend every moment you have loving your family. You are all in my thoughts & prayers. Know how much you are loved & how many people are here to support you. Stay strong, Megan <3

August 19, 2010 - 2:11 pm cs - Katie- I'm so sorry to hear of the pain and loss you've been suffering recently. I know what is like to feel this heartache. I lost my dad when he was only 49. The doctor's didn't know what was wrong, and we just had to sit by and pray and love and beg God to do something. Just like you, he was my rock. The part I couldn't understand at the time is that he still is. Don't get me wrong, I miss him everyday and sometimes feel lost, but I know he is always there. Continue loving and supporting your dad, don't lose hope, and know people out here care.

August 19, 2010 - 2:11 pm Natasha - I'm praying for you and your father x

August 19, 2010 - 2:13 pm Nicole - I'll be thinking of you Katie! I know you'll get through this. "Katie, Katie be happy. This world can be ugly, but isn't it beautiful?" - "There, There Katie"

August 19, 2010 - 2:14 pm Jessie - Don't give up hope Katie! Your father sounds like a great man, and if it's God's will for him to stay on this earth, he will. Either way, I will be keeping your father in my thoughts!

August 19, 2010 - 2:15 pm Allison - Katie, I can't imagine what you are going through right now and my heart aches for you. I pray strength, understanding, and comfort over you and your entire family. Through our trials, we become stronger. Please don't give up on seeking God during this time. He's there, and although you may not understand it yet, there's a reason for this. Praying for you girl. Keep on keepin' on :)

August 19, 2010 - 2:18 pm Ty - Dear Katie, I want you to kow I'm thinking of you in such a troubling time. 4 years ago I lost my Father in February and then my Mother in September. It was a tough year. But it is realities we must face and beleive me when I say you will hurt but you will heal and the void will be filled by the beautiful memories of who they were and what they did. Be strong. Be present and just be you. All my love to you, Ty Sullivan

August 19, 2010 - 2:18 pm Lillian Chang - I am so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and well wishes are with you...all prayers to you and your dad and your family. xo.

August 19, 2010 - 2:20 pm Melissa - I am sending you all the positive energy I can muster today. I hope today brings you good news.

August 19, 2010 - 2:23 pm Kristin - Katie, I am so sorry to read about your dad. This straight-up sucks, and there is no other way to say it. Keep praying...it will help. I'm praying for you and your family too. Hang in there! :)

August 19, 2010 - 2:23 pm Emma - Katie, sending thoughts and healing energy your family's way. Love love.

August 19, 2010 - 2:26 pm inspiredmess - Dear Katie, I'm lifting you and your dad up in prayer and I pray that you're covered in the peace & comfort that only He can give in this difficult time. Sending you a great big hug and much love!

August 19, 2010 - 2:29 pm Vanessa - Katie, i´m so sorry for your pain, and for your daddy´s pain and illness, i can´t imagine what you´ve suffered and i understand you don´t feel prepared in any way to face this. But even when we don´t understand why some things come along our path, we can always, always find light in the darkest places. I can´t tell you when or how exactly, but i know for sure, there´s something really beautiful and important for you and for your family to find in all this situation. My love and prayers are with you, i´m concentrating so much in your father´s wellbeing and in you finding light, love, peace and comfort deep in your heart and soul. Infinite blessings to you dear Katie and lots of warm hugs.

August 19, 2010 - 2:30 pm Rebecca - Katie-- So, so sorry to hear about your dad! Sending thoughts and prayers your way! I know how this goes. My grandmother beat cancer, and then it came back stronger, and in her brain. I wanted so badly for her to beat it again, but she didn't. I prayed so often for her to make it through, but I also prayed for strength for myself to accept that she might die. It wasn't ideal, that she should die when I only saw her a handful of times because of distance, but eventually I accepted it. I still miss her sometimes, but I know she's better now. The Last Lecture is a really good book, too!

August 19, 2010 - 2:31 pm Ginger - Katie: You are in my prayers that whatever comes you will be strong and know that there are people out there thinking of you.

August 19, 2010 - 2:33 pm cara - you have so many praying for you and your father. keep your chin up.

August 19, 2010 - 2:34 pm Angelle - Dear Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your brother and brother-in-law. I just want you to know that even though i'm not religious, I will be praying for you, your father and the rest of your family. No one should go through something like this, and I hope that your dad is alright. Much love and prayers from a stranger <3

August 19, 2010 - 2:34 pm Wendy - Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad, he sounds like such an amazing and wonderful human being. You've been through so much and I deeply admire your strength and courage. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!

August 19, 2010 - 2:35 pm Sally - Big hugs and lots of good, healthy vibes coming your way. Lots of love xxx

August 19, 2010 - 2:36 pm Imogen - I'm so sorry for all your loss but remember that God is always there. I wish I could come and hug you in real life but just know that we're all praying for you and thinking of you! i really hope that everything works out for the best and that your dad gets well. Keep praying, lots and lots of love xxxxxxx

August 19, 2010 - 2:38 pm Caitlin - Katie- My prayers are with you during this challenging time in your life. Try to stay strong and know that your father loves you more than you will ever know. -Caitlin

August 19, 2010 - 2:42 pm BreAnn - Katie, I'm sorry to hear about your father and I'm praying for him. I know how cancer can be heartbreaking. I'm hoping good things for you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 2:42 pm Jes - I have listened to The Last Lecture and Randy's book via audiobook, and I cried. I lost my dad to a motorcycle accident, and he was only 48. It has by far been the most difficult time in my life. For me, it was out-of-the-blue, and while I have some idea, I cannot imagine what you are going through watching your dad in pain. I am praying for you and your family. You are strong, loved, and will always have support.

August 19, 2010 - 2:43 pm KT - *hugs* You've been through a lot but you sound so strong. You are wonderful.

August 19, 2010 - 2:46 pm Kate - Katie, I'm thinking of you and your family at this really awful time in your life and I will hope for the very best that your dad is okay and will live a much longer life. xxx

August 19, 2010 - 2:49 pm Becca - Katie, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 2:52 pm Meredith - Katie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are having to endure at such a difficult time. You are in my thoughts, and you are loved.

August 19, 2010 - 2:53 pm Marla Rae - Sending hugs and prayers your way!

August 19, 2010 - 2:54 pm Stef G - Katie- I am so so sorry you have to go through this. I remember everything about the day my dad told me he had kidney cancer. We were supposed to meet up to go fishing, and instead met at my brother's house. When he broke the news it was like everything around me went silent and all I could do was sit there in my own fear. It paralyzed me. I would never wish those feelings on anyone, and I am heartbroken that you are feeling the same. I hope that you are able to find comfort during this time. I hope that you are able to radiate love to your dad and the people that love him. Love can heal a person. I will be sending you and your father love and light. Keep breathing, continue to notice the beauty around you, and know that god/the universe doesn't give you anything you cannot handle. You are loved.

August 19, 2010 - 3:02 pm Caroline - Katie - We don't know each other but my heart goes out to you and your family. I have been struggling to come to terms with a recent loss, and my mom said this (and it helped me): "Death is horrible for those of us left behind, but it's going to happen. You can't choose the opportune time, and you kind of just have to face it." I'm sorry that you already lost 2 men in your life, and that now things are scary for your father. I'll pray along with you that his suffering is eased and that he recovers.

August 19, 2010 - 3:04 pm Trayce @trulytrayce - Katie, my heart hurts for you but want you to know that you are strong and being sent many prayers today and always. Keep your faith and believe in miracles. xxoo Much love, positive thoughts and blessings for you and your family!

August 19, 2010 - 3:07 pm Raine - Katie, I am thinking of you and your family today. I hope you got good news. I hope God answers your prayers

August 19, 2010 - 3:11 pm Kaelah Bee - You are a strong woman and as hard as all of this may be, just remember that God is unwavering in his adoration and love for us. Even when he gives us a mountain and a half to climb. There are tons of people who are sending you all of their love, prayers and positive wishes. Rather than worry or focus on the negative, celebrate the man that is your father and relish in every single moment you have with him, whether it be for a few months or decades more! Life should be a celebration. While I'm sure it must be hard in your times to see the light, please know that you are surrounded by so many people who love and care about you, even your blog readers! You have brought so much happiness and joy into those lives and now is when he really needs it! Praying for you and your family!

August 19, 2010 - 3:15 pm David - What is truly inspiring to me is to see you hold onto your faith despite everything that you are going through! Hold onto the hope and fact that He loves us more than we could ever know, and that through suffering we are able to experience Him on a whole new level. You and your family are in my prayers. You are an amazing woman, you are loved, and you have been an inspiration to many through this post, and please know that God has already given you the strength to get through all of this, no matter what His will is, and that he will carry you through it! The strength is not something you need to ask for but something you just need to thank Him for. :) Be blessed!

August 19, 2010 - 3:16 pm Ginelle - Please know that your father will be in my prayers, but i'm sure he is strong, you have to be strong too. God gave you this life because you are strong enough to live it. I know this may not be easy, but you gotta keep moving forward. I send you a super big hug! "When you have hope, you have everything"

August 19, 2010 - 3:17 pm Mrs. Muffins - I can only imagine the pain you're going through right now. I have no words of comfort but you are in my thoughts and I only wish for the best for your father. <3 Lots of love and hugs. -Nicole

August 19, 2010 - 3:23 pm Lisa - You are loved. I am thinking of you and your dad today.

August 19, 2010 - 3:24 pm Kylie - Katie, You are a talented and sweet person. You and your family are in my prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 3:25 pm Gwen - Dear Katie- I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I will share your story with friends and family and let them pray for you. You are loved by many, even if you dont know us. Some of us can relate to you and will be here if you need us. Keep smiling when its time to smile, and cry when its time to cry. Your dad will understand and so will God. We Love You!

August 19, 2010 - 3:27 pm Helena - Your letter made me cry. I wrote a similar one when I was 18, but I never sent it. Maybe I should have. My mom died that year, and she was only 44. I hope you don't have to go through that, too.

August 19, 2010 - 3:29 pm Nicole - Sending good thoughts your way! <3

August 19, 2010 - 3:30 pm Bethany Susan - Wow, this is a pretty heavy entry to read finding a blog for the first time. I cannot imagine the difficulty of what you are facing. But I do know that there are people out there who care. You're not going through this alone, and neither is he. Maybe it's your turn to be the rock, for your dad! :hugs: (I've found hugs always help, even from internet strangers!)

August 19, 2010 - 3:31 pm George Moskoff - Katie: I'm sorry for your situation. I've got my fingers crossed. Love to you as you deal with these difficult challenges.

August 19, 2010 - 3:31 pm Ginger Lemon Girl - Praying Katie girl! I'm so sorry you're struggling right now! (((((((((((hugs!!!)))))))))))))) I can't imagine losing my dad either!

August 19, 2010 - 3:32 pm Katherine Michael - Praying for your father. For you. For your family. God is listening. It's okay to show Him how pissed off you are. He can take it.

August 19, 2010 - 3:32 pm Andrew Fynn - Dear Katie You are so loved. Your Dad is so blessed by your love. The love between you, and that is with you, wraps around everything...around the whole situation, around every possible outcome, embraces it all, makes it all ok, it's bigger bigger bigger, warmer warmer warmer, softer softer softer. Melt into the warmth of this love which is yours to own forever.

August 19, 2010 - 3:35 pm Amy - Katie, we don't know each other, but I want you to know you are loved and you are heard. So many losses and trials in a short time are so hard to bear - but you can stay strong during this time. Keep putting your prayers and positive energy out to the universe. It can be healing and certainly good for your soul. Keep writing, take solace in the love of family and friends, and know that there is always hope on the horizon.

August 19, 2010 - 3:37 pm Fabricio - Dear Katie, I lost my father 3 years ago, and he was barely 45 years old. I know the pain you're going trough and i know it's not an easy thing to stand. Just keep your hopes up and try to make your father feel comfortable. Try to be happy, so he can be happy too. I'll be cheering for your father to get better! a big hug~

August 19, 2010 - 3:39 pm kxm - Dearest Katie: I dread the day when I have to face the loss of either of my parents. I am so, so sorry that you have to go through this far too soon. I hope your prayer is answered and will offer my own for you and your father--that you pain, both physical and mental is relieved, and that you may have many more years together. May your faith and the love of family, friends, and strangers sustain you in this difficult time.

August 19, 2010 - 3:39 pm Niina - Dear Katie, Don't give up. Keep on supporting you father and let him know that you will always be with him no matter what. I've gone through a similar experience...My grandmother has been in situations where she would have died for so many times over these past few years. Yet, I was blessed and she is still alive. I know this is nothing compared with what you are going through and I admire your courage for doing this. God bless you and you will always be in my thoughts.

August 19, 2010 - 3:40 pm Birdie - I never knew my dad, he passed away from skin cancer when I was 8 months old. What a blessing you have to know a kind, loving father. I am praying hard that he is able to continue being that for you. *Hugs*

August 19, 2010 - 3:41 pm Amy - Thank you for sharing this and being honest with your fear and hurt... because things like this are scary and painful. You radiate a strong and beautiful person full of love through your writing. I just want to send you many well wishes for you and your family as well as lots of love,comfort and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 3:45 pm andrea - sending loads of love, gentleness and peace to you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 3:49 pm Kaleigh - Katie, I'm so sorry to hear about your brother and brother-in-law. Keep thinking positively. I can't imagine losing so many people in such a short period of time. God has spaced out the deaths in my life, and I forget how much thankfulness I have for that. Your family will be with you in this time of need, I'm sure. Know that other people are thinking good thoughts for you, and embrace the time you have with him from here on out. Kaleigh

August 19, 2010 - 3:51 pm Y.N. - Your beautiful letter reminds me of my own deal that I struck with God as I was driving to an emergency room and praying that my mom would live after being in a serious car accident. As she was in surgery, I drove and prayed, "I know that we all have to die sometime, but please, God, not today. I need more time." Six years later, I still have my mom and I am thankful for that every day. I pray that you, too, will be blessed with extra time with your wonderful father. Events like these really bring you to your knees. You have my prayers today.

August 19, 2010 - 3:51 pm Christine Hansen - Katie, hang in there Sweetie...{{{big hugs to you, Girl}}}...know that I am sending light and love your way, to make your path a little easier to walk, and also to help your dad in any way he needs. Hug your loved ones, take good care of yourself, and trust that all will be well in the end. It really WILL be OK, especially when you trust in the Divine.

August 19, 2010 - 3:52 pm Angela - Katie, I can't even imagine the pain you are going through right now. My grandmother had pancreatic cancer, and it was rough. My heart goes out to you. I'll be keeping you and your family (and especially your Dad) in my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 3:54 pm Jessica - Your family and you are in our thoughts and prayers. I pray god gives you the comfort and strength to get through these trying times in your life.

August 19, 2010 - 3:54 pm bradie - we haven't met, but i'm praying for and thinking about you and your family. i can't imagine dealing with struggles like this. i believe that God only gives us challenges that we are able to handle (with his help), so it sounds to me like you must be a very strong and brave person. lots of love your way. p.s. - i love your style! seriously. p.p.s. - if you want to hear about my church, send me an email. i've recently gone back myself.

August 19, 2010 - 3:57 pm Shell - I'm so sorry. I wish I could reach through the computer cables and hand you chocolate, cheese and a giant hug. You can make it through this. You will.

August 19, 2010 - 3:57 pm Vickie Frisbie - Katie First I am amazed by your strength. I am deeply touched by all you have endured. May you be blessed in His comfort and strengthed by His love. I know loss is difficult and often unbearable but know that love never dies; just takes on another form. I have lost my parents and the hole is great. Live on knowing that you are never separated at the heart and soul level. Keep them alive by thriving and being your authentic self. Honor them in all you are and honor yourself. Know that there are many people who love you and are praying for your comfort and peace. May serenity surround you and bless you. Much love VF

August 19, 2010 - 3:58 pm Megan - Katie, I will be sending out a special prayer for you today. Have Faith. Have a beautiful day. "Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark." ~George Iles

August 19, 2010 - 3:59 pm Megan - A close friend of mine is going through this right now with her own father. I can't imagine the pain you're in or strength you must have. You have my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 4:00 pm Sarah - Sending healing, peaceful vibes to you and your dad, Katie. Know that we are all praying for him and your family. ((HUG))

August 19, 2010 - 4:02 pm Birdie - I'm so sorry for the losses you have had. It seems like you've been given more than your fair share of pain, and I hope it ceases soon. You and your family are in my thoughts, and I'll pray for your Dad. Take care and stay strong

August 19, 2010 - 4:03 pm Bria - Katie, I know that it is not easy, but try spend all of your time and energy worrying. Instead, just focus it on your dad, loving him and letting him know how much you care about him. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 4:04 pm Laurel - Praying for you, your father, and your whole family right now. Even though you have been through so much and are continuing to go through more... never forget that God loves and cares for you deeply.

August 19, 2010 - 4:04 pm Connie Reece - Katie, I pray that you have a lot more time with your father. As a lifelong "daddy's girl" myself, I know the importance of that special bond with your dad.

August 19, 2010 - 4:05 pm Tiffany - Thinking of you and sending you a big hug~ It is the hardest thing in the world to go through~ Please let me know if you need anything at all~ really!! Call or email or anything! I know we don't know each other but sometimes it helps to talk~ Hugs... Tiffany

August 19, 2010 - 4:12 pm Laurel - Hey Katie, Your father is definitely in my prayers. The father of one of my friends was just hospitalized, too. :( Yes, cancer is serious, but even the most severe cases can be saved. Today's treatment is getting better and better. Believe in miracles, they happen every day.

August 19, 2010 - 4:13 pm Nate St. Pierre - This is a really tough time, Katie. Most of us can't know what it feels like to be in your shoes right now, but please know that we do care about you, and you are loved.

August 19, 2010 - 4:14 pm Lori - Katie, my heart goes out to you and your family. Praying for your dad. Just know that it's going to be okay, no matter what.

August 19, 2010 - 4:14 pm David - there is purpose in your journey; listen for your heavenly and earthy father's voice along the way. my prayers are with you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 4:20 pm Lisa - Katie, ((((hugs))))

August 19, 2010 - 4:20 pm @MeekaintheIE - Wow, Katie! I have been feeling sorry for myself lately in my job situation and in reading your story about your previous losses & dealing with what is going on with your dad...it brings me back. I lost my mom about 12 years ago after a long battle with heart disease & kidney failure. I seriously didnt know what to do with myself when I first lost her. I went through a difficult time in my life. But I had 2 friends that were a rock of support to me and they helped me get out of the pit of depression, and helped me rebuild my life. I miss my mom immensely even to this day. She never got to see my 3 beautiful daughters & spoil them. But she lives on in my memories & in pictures that I show my kids all the time. Regardless of how God answers your prayers, you will be stronger. You will be a better daughter, wife, & mother. You & your family are in my prayers. Love & light. ~Meeka

August 19, 2010 - 4:27 pm Debi - Showering you with LOVE!!!!! I know God is listening and holding you...hugs....

August 19, 2010 - 4:28 pm Laura - Though I can't imagine how you are feeling, I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. This is always helped me in times of difficulty: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbsU3b2srQA&feature=search God bless you and your family!

August 19, 2010 - 4:30 pm Christy - I'm praying for you, Katie, and your family. Hang in there. It'll get better eventually. You just have to wait a while.

August 19, 2010 - 4:32 pm Mare - Katie, what a difficult road you're traveling. Here's hoping for the best news possible and sending strength and love your way.

August 19, 2010 - 4:44 pm Aphre - Hi Katie...I will be thinking of you, your dad, and your whole family today as you wait for the results of the tests. I will pray for his comfort and safety. Remember, you have proved yourself strong, and I promise you whatever comes you will overcome. Please accept my love and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 4:54 pm lewelen - Hi Katie. Tough time isn't it. I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer in 2002. He died almost 2 months to the day he was diagnosed. I hear your pleas to God in your 'deal making'. Sometimes He answers those deals - sometimes He has other plans. So that you know that I can understand your frustration regarding the fact that you have already lost a brother and brother-in-law and now will be possibly losing your Dad (in this earthly realm anyway), My Dad and only and favorite Uncle died within months of each other and my step-son just 3 years ago from a self-inflicted injury. His widow has now disappeared from our lives with our soon to be 4 year old grand-daughter - so I know what it feels like to have loss in your life. I want to encourage you to continue turning 'toward' God and not away from Him. We have no promises here on earth, other than He will never leave us nor forsake us even though we will have 'trouble' 'trials' and 'tribulation' on the earth. Spend time with your dad. Lay in bed with him and talk about things. Talk of happy times you've shared. Special childhood memories. Memorize his face. Soak him in. "Interview" him. My kids did that with my dad. We videoed it asking about childhood memories and things like what was his favorite color. "Texas Sky Blue". I was 33 when he told us that. I had never known it before. I am lifting you up in prayer. Praying that God will hear your pleas. I will be praying for your Dad that his pain will be lessened and for healing. Mostly I will pray for the peace that God promises that surpasses all understanding and that you will trust Him in His decision - for God alone knows each hair on our head. Our comings and our goings. Even while He was knitting us in our mothers' wombs. Peace Katie.

August 19, 2010 - 4:57 pm chelsea - I can't even imagine the pain and stress you are feeling at the moment but please keep fighting. Keep up your faith, love and celebrate each day. Sending positive thoughts your way <3

August 19, 2010 - 4:59 pm Livi - I'm praying with you. Try to keep positive and make the most of every moment with him. I lost my Dad to cancer 7 years ago now so I know what you're going through, my thoughts are with you. lots of love xxx

August 19, 2010 - 5:04 pm Kerri - I can't imagine the pain you must be going through right now. I couldn't see my life without my mother or my sister. But, I also try to believe that these obstacles are put in our way because we can handle them, because we have something to learn from them. People always wonder how there could be a higher power if so many horrible things happen in the world -- but maybe these things happen because without them we wouldn't find the strength to make the most out of our journeys. And wherever your road is leading you, I know that you can be a light in the world, just like your father is to so many. I am keeping you, your father and your family in my heart.

August 19, 2010 - 5:06 pm rebekah j. - be held <3

August 19, 2010 - 5:07 pm Michelle - Sending lots of love, hugs, & prayers your way! Stay strong! Keep the faith <333

August 19, 2010 - 5:09 pm Courtney - Katie, stay strong. I can only imagine what an incredibly difficult time this is for you and your family, but have faith you'll come through it. You will. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. With love.

August 19, 2010 - 5:24 pm James - Katie, I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with so much loss already. You and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can find strength in the love you have for your dad and gain comfort in the closeness of your family. Know that there are many praying for you.

August 19, 2010 - 5:29 pm Michelle - Katie, Thinking of you and your dad (and your whole family). I'm saying lots of prayers!! My grandmother battled pancreatic cancer and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm available! *HUGS* Michelle xo

August 19, 2010 - 5:31 pm Meagan - Hi Katie, I'm so sorry to hear this. You are a new friend to me and even though I don't know you I know that you can get through this. I know what it's like to suffer like this and I will be a friend for you throughout it all. Best wishes to you and your family during this difficult time.

August 19, 2010 - 5:33 pm Lex - Katie, I am so sorry for what you and your family are facing at the moment. I wish I could give you all the words that could possibly comfort you and the best doctors to take away your daddy's pain. What I do know is that God is a great God and no matter what He will be by both of you, holding your hand along the way. He will never leave you nor forsake you. I wish I could run to you and hug you right now and just let you cry on my shoulder. Cry it all out to God, enjoy every moment with your daddy, whether it may be for a short while or a long while. I'm here if you need anything.

August 19, 2010 - 5:33 pm Anonomous - God is constant, unchangeable and always good regardless of what happens; He loves YOU and your dad more than we can comprehend. HE is with you - to love you, to comfort you and has such a tender heart and understanding for your life and your love for your family. You are specially and intentionally made by Him and for Him and so was your dad. My own mother beat 5% odds of survival from aggressive cancer - that was 15 years ago. As her daughter, I know how it feels to face the unknown. Nothing can compare to the fear we allow in our minds and hearts. Your pleading to the Lord is heard. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6

August 19, 2010 - 5:37 pm Julie - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Continue to turn to your Heavenly Father for your strength and guidance as you support your earthly father in this battle.

August 19, 2010 - 5:40 pm Sabriel Parker - Katie, this pain is unendurable, but all that God will ask is that you endure. You WILL see your father and brothers again and they will be free from all of the weight of this world. Endure and you will be free as well. I am so sorry Katie, but love overcomes all obstacles. And your father loves you, your brothers love you, God loves you and God loves them. I love you too.

August 19, 2010 - 5:43 pm Caring - Just know that you and your father are in my prayers! I pray that he lives many many many more years to spend with you his sweet daughter!

August 19, 2010 - 5:51 pm Tricia - Katie, Cancer really, really sucks, doesn't it? I lost my mum to lung cancer and a favourite uncle to leukemia. I know what you are going through. Thinking of you and your dad. Hugs, Tricia

August 19, 2010 - 5:52 pm Derek - Katie-My thoughts and prayers for strength and guidance go out to you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 5:57 pm Valerie - Katie, you and your Dad are in my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 5:57 pm CaL - You deserve so much & I really hope the deal goes down. ♥

August 19, 2010 - 5:58 pm Stephanie Motz - I hope you stay strong and find peace & wisdom to get through these challenging moments. I can't imagine what you are going through and I know it's easy for me to say, but I pray that you try to enjoy the moments you have now. Focus on the time you DO have and make the best of it. Know that you are in the minds and hearts of A BUNCH of people all around the world. We are sending our love and praying that you receive good news on Wednesday! Blessings to you & your family.

August 19, 2010 - 5:58 pm lk430 - Katie, When I need to be reminded of the power of faith and prayer, I often defer to this: Mark 11:22-25 "'Have faith in God,' Jesus answered. 'I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, "Go, throw yourself into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins'" Most importantly, know you are not alone in your prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 5:59 pm Ruthann Swain - Oh Katie, I have been where you are today with your dad, its frustrating. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Stay strong for you pops, be there for your mom. As Kerri said we learn from these things, I know I did, I am a much stronger better person for them. I miss my dad, but I am so much closer to my mom, and I work very hard to keep my family close. They are all blessings. Trust in God's ways.

August 19, 2010 - 6:05 pm Brooke Stokes - Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!

August 19, 2010 - 6:07 pm AnnaDenise - I wish you strength, love, and hope during this difficult period in your life. Keep strong and keep fighting. I'm thinking of you.

August 19, 2010 - 6:07 pm Amy - Katie, I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better but I wanted you to know, that I, a stranger, am praying for you and your family. I am praying that God will heal your father and that he will give you all the strength you need. XOXO

August 19, 2010 - 6:07 pm Lance - Katie, Sending prayers of love and hope and caring to you. May you find peace in all of this...and know that you are loved...

August 19, 2010 - 6:10 pm Donna - My mum survived breast cancer, but I was too young to be really worried about her at the time. Nonetheless, I can sort of imagine your pain and heartache. Even if God doesn't accept your deal, maybe he'll grant you some slack. Enough time to have some of those conversations, or a different view on the situation. I'll be thinking of you. Stay strong. Donna

August 19, 2010 - 6:15 pm Amy - Katie, I'm so sorry for the fear you're facing right now. There's no doubt your dad has taught you so much about how to be a good and strong person, and now is your time to be a rock for him as he faces his own fears. I'm wishing peace, love and strength to you and your family.

August 19, 2010 - 6:19 pm Bethany - Katie, Zeph 3:17 says that "... He will quiet you with his love..." He will give you rest. You are a daughter of the King and he loves for you to run to Him... even if you are screaming... Every time I think about this post, I will pray.

August 19, 2010 - 6:23 pm Eleanor E. Biddulph - Katie - I lost my Dad to cancer in 2005 after a ten year battle. And, oh, did he fight! My only advice is be a warrior right along with your Dad. He loes you and needs you as much as you need him, so team up and use your collective love to fight this cancer beast together! I don't know if this will help or not, but here are my reflections three years later... http://beingfullypresent.com/2008/10/12/happy-birthday-dad/

August 19, 2010 - 6:25 pm bubbleboo - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Sending lots of love and support to you and your family, I only wish I could do more x

August 19, 2010 - 6:30 pm Kerry - Katie, positive vibes. You don't know me but I am thinking of you today and my heart hurts for you. Hang tough. Love, me

August 19, 2010 - 6:30 pm arlene - dear katie, i've had losses in the family as well and whati try to remember is that God has apportioned His grace to each one of us. you and i might not see it now, but that's entirely what faith is about. i can't imagine the pain that you're going through right now, but be assured that all these people who've dropped in your blog truly do care. care enough to bring you in our prayers, write a sympathetic comment and keep your struggles in our hearts. now if a bunch of people you never met in real life can do that, imagine what God can do for you, your dad and your family :) keep the faith, katie!

August 19, 2010 - 6:49 pm Meg - I am so sorry for all of your loss. Life can seem so overwhelming sometimes. It is ok to grieve, to really feel whatever you feel. Do not rush yourself through the emotions for others sake or your own. Do not allow others to either. Write about how you feel. Talk to friends. Talk to all these wonderful people. Spend today with your dad and anyone else important to you. “In struggling against anguish one never produces serenity; the struggle against anguish only produces new forms of anguish.” -- Simone Weil Find solace in the natural grieving process. For words can only help so much. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

August 19, 2010 - 6:56 pm Alice - Be strong! Sending love your way <3

August 19, 2010 - 6:59 pm kels - I will be praying for you and your father. It really is in God's hands and He honestly does know what's right. I hope that things start looking up for you and you will stay in my thoughts and prayers.

August 19, 2010 - 7:02 pm Rachael - Katie, I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I am praying for you, your family and your father. You are a very strong person. I hope you know you are loved!

August 19, 2010 - 7:08 pm amy - sweet girl, I continue to pray for you and your father and I'm holding onto hope that you will get the results your heart desires. Big hugs to you and may you continue to share your heart here so we can all support you in this!

August 19, 2010 - 7:11 pm quinn - i'm so sorry about what you and your family have been through and are going through. losing someone you and almost losing them are both terrible, my thoughts and prayers are with you. x xx

August 19, 2010 - 7:30 pm Lisa - Katie, We have never met, but I reach out to you with prayers during the seemingly unending struggles that capture your days. During this unpredictable journey, know that there are people who are praying for comfort for you and your family. Faith and strength often come like a rainbow after a storm of tears.

August 19, 2010 - 7:50 pm Joshtyn - Dear Katie, sending you thoughts of comfort, strength and love. Stay positive, you are not alone. hugs, Josh

August 19, 2010 - 8:01 pm April - Hi Katie. I will definitely be praying for you and your Dad. I've gone through similar trials, and they're never easy. All I can really suggest is to keep praying and stay focused on the fact that God is in control and His will is best. I hope everying goes well with your dad's tests!

August 19, 2010 - 8:05 pm Lisa - Dear Katie, You and your father are in my thoughts. Reading this made me wish there was more I could do. <3

August 19, 2010 - 8:14 pm KateB - Katie If I could wrap my arms around the world I'd give you and your family a huge, soft, warm hug. My husband when through exactly this with his father a few years ago. Nothing prepares you for the pain and suffering of those you love. I recognise your deal with God - have made many myself. Enjoy what time you have with your Da - be it mere months, or years beyond expectation. The (potential) death of others brings us face to face with our own mortality and that is a sobering thing. No matter what happens, you are truly blessed to have the kind of relationship its sounds like you do with your Da. My love, healthful wishes and prayers to you, your lovely Da and all those who know and love you both. KateB

August 19, 2010 - 8:19 pm Amanda - I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your shoes, and how much strength it must take to get up each and every morning. Here's wishing you all the best and praying for cancer free results!

August 19, 2010 - 8:22 pm Cloe - Sending lots of prayers, positive thoughts, hugs, and love your way.

August 19, 2010 - 8:35 pm Matt - Hang in there, I'm sure your dad appreciates your support. No matter what happens, cherish the time you have together, all of the pain and struggles are much less important than the love you share.

August 19, 2010 - 8:39 pm Luke McCusker - My name is Luke McCusker. You don't know me, but I just read a little bit about your situation, and I can't imagine how difficult it is to see your dad going through this. I haven't lost many people, and never to illness, so I don't know what it's like - but I'm sure it feels awful. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry for your pain, and his. I'm sorry to hear about your other losses as well - I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I'm glad you are sharing your pain and struggle with others here. I hope you have people to talk to, people who listen and care and support you. These journeys are so hard alone. I bet God wants you to have your dad as long as you can. I bet if your dad doesn't pull through, God is going to use it for good things in the lives of everyone who knows him. I bet God wants you to know that it's going to be okay, if you just trust him with this whole thing. I think he'll take care of you. I don't know if these are the right things to say, or the things you need to hear. But I want to it give you hope. This is all going to be for the good for you, and everyone involved. Don't hesitate to send me an e-mail or something if you need someone to talk to. God will use all of this for good.

August 19, 2010 - 8:40 pm Allison L. - Hi Katie. Just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you, your dad and the rest of your family right now!

August 19, 2010 - 8:41 pm Dave - Hi Katie, I hope you know how many people are thinking of you and praying for you and your family right now. I lost my dad quite a while ago and I will pray the same doesn't happen for you but as I've grown up and become a dad, I will tell you that you'll never really be apart. The love between a dad and his daughter is too strong for anything in this world. You're all in my thoughts and prayers, Dave

August 19, 2010 - 8:45 pm Krissy - Katie, im praying that God gives u strength and peace so ur not anxious. I kw the ruling all too well of losing someone u love. I just want to encourage u. Although we dont know ea other I do have genuine concern.

August 19, 2010 - 8:56 pm Ann Zuerner - May you feel the loving arms of God around you at this time and His peace in your heart. Strength to your dad , you and your family. Blessings for an answer to prayer. I will addmy prayers. Ann

August 19, 2010 - 8:56 pm Lena L - Katie, Hold on and hang in there. I lost my father suddenly at the much-too-young age of 55. Cherish every moment you can for as long as you can. Don't forget to take care of yourself so you can be strong for others, too. I'll keep you, your father, and the rest of your family in my thoughts and near my heart. Sending comfort and (((hugs))) for you, Lena

August 19, 2010 - 9:08 pm BeckyH - Katie I am so sorry that you're dad and family are going through this! I will be praying for your dad and the family.

August 19, 2010 - 9:17 pm kim - Thinking of you and your family. Hope for the best for you or at least peace.

August 19, 2010 - 9:32 pm Dave Sohnchen - Katie, I can't imagine what you must be going through. The last thing you need right now is a stranger spouting off a cliche that's supposed to make you feel better so I'll refrain from that. Just know that I'm thinking of you lots today. My wife lost her mom at a very young age and it seems so unfair that people have to endure these types of tragedies. I'm honestly praying that God takes you up on your offer. The world can't afford to lose anymore of it's great people. I hope that a level of peace and strength come from an unexpected source for you in these tough days.

August 19, 2010 - 9:33 pm Marie - Hugs, prayers and positive thoughts are being sent out from my family to yours.

August 19, 2010 - 9:47 pm Hannah - I'll be thinking of and praying for you and your family. Lots of love.

August 19, 2010 - 9:50 pm Joelle - lots of prayers for you and your family. sending positive thoughts your way. *hugs*

August 19, 2010 - 10:12 pm Bj - Katie~ Your letter to God says exactly how I felt when my Dad had a stroke at the age of 58. Even though I don't know you...I am thinking of you and your family in this difficult time.

August 19, 2010 - 10:20 pm Lauren - Praying for you Katie. I cannot even imagine what you're going through right now. Remember that so many people love you so much and are praying for you. Love.

August 19, 2010 - 10:24 pm Christy Hart - Katie, It is so difficult to stay present with all of this, isn't it? May you have some peaceful, restful moments to help you deal with all of what is happening. I hope that the prayers and kind thoughts we are sharing give you some comfort. Your family is in my thoughts.

August 19, 2010 - 10:24 pm Artemis - Stay strong and have hope. Things always end right for good people.

August 19, 2010 - 10:39 pm Claire - Katie, I'm praying for you, your father, and the rest of your family. Never give up hope.

August 19, 2010 - 10:40 pm Charlotte Smith - Katie, Bless your heart.......May the Lord bring you peace during this difficult time and please, please know that he never gives us more than we can handle! Your dad and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)))) Charlotte

August 19, 2010 - 10:49 pm lauren nicole - katie, what you're going through must be incredeously difficult, more than i can imagine. it would be so difficult for me to not have my dad around, he is such a huge part of my life and of who i am/have become. so, for you to be going through something like this is just heart breaking and i really do hope that it all works out for the best possible. my dad is only 53 and smokes so much AND has diabetes, i fear that he'll pass too soon. it's such a scary and odd thing to have to think about, if someone that close, esp. for us girls and our fathers, were to no longer be around. katie, know that you are such a strong and wonderful woman and that whatever does happen, there's some sort of reason behind it. i pray and hope that you don't loose him, I DO, I REALLY DO HOPE, but just remember that as cliche as it is, events that happen to us, around us or in our presence are all for a reason; no matter how awful and heart wrenching it may be. you are loved and thought of and prayed for, remember that. love, - L

August 19, 2010 - 10:55 pm Kym - katie- i'm so sorry for the loss of your brother & brother-and-law, and for your father's diagnosis. stay strong- i can tell you are an amazing woman; you will get through this.

August 19, 2010 - 10:56 pm Jules - Hi girl, I wanted you to know that even here in French Canada, we're loving you and sending you strength.

August 19, 2010 - 11:15 pm Caiti - Katie - I am so sorry...I lost my dad to multiple myeloma (a "cousin" of leukemia) close to 4 years ago...He was 51, and I, 19. We were incredibly close, so I can imagine the pain and fear you are feeling. You are in my thoughts & prayers..hugs.

August 19, 2010 - 11:38 pm The Mrs. - You and your family are in my prayers. This was my family one year ago. My mother in law lost her battle in December and it has been a hard road for us. I pray your father receives excellent care. With you in prayer.

August 19, 2010 - 11:41 pm Julie - Came to your blog via Mix, Mingle & Glow and just wanted to send you prayers. My father had colon cancer last summer and kidney cancer this summer. We are constantly on pins and needles wondering if/when the cancer will reappear. I don't ever want to live in a world where he doesn't and so I understand your desperation. Please know that I am praying for your father. No matter how old we get, a girl always needs her daddy.

August 19, 2010 - 11:48 pm Sarah - Katie, you will be the best mother to your children, the best wife to your husband, and best daughter to your father. And they know that and love you. So keep loving and never give up hope. <3, Sarah

August 19, 2010 - 11:51 pm becky - Sometimes life is just so hard. Stay well and live every moment.

August 20, 2010 - 12:08 am Melissa - Katie I know that you are doing the best that you can and God will be with you. Even when it feels hopeless, he is still there. God will be there no matter what. And you are so loved and your children are so blessed. And your father is so blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. I will pray for you. Melissa

August 20, 2010 - 12:14 am Julie - Holding you in our prayers.

August 20, 2010 - 12:32 am Neidy - Randy Pausch was an amazing man...and it seems like your dad is too. I'm praying your very same prayer since there really aren't many men that make amazing dads...I lost the man I looked up to (my best friend's dad) to a heart attack last summer so I know this ridiculous pain you're going through. Dream the biggest dreams and live to the fullest! I'm sure your dad is facing this like a man :) Keep trooping!

August 20, 2010 - 12:34 am Carol - Katie, I can only but try to imagine how you feel. I do have an uncle with cancer in his intestines and it has been tough on the whole family, but we are finding the strength to pull through. I know you can find strength and hope too. Trust God and have faith that He will help you through this situation. While you try to make a deal with God, I just wanted to send some hugs and love to make you feel better. A lot of people out there care and love your family. They will help you through everything. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

August 20, 2010 - 12:36 am Nicolle Napolitano - Dear Katie~ I am so sorry for the recent loss of your brother & brother-in-law... I am also sorry that you are going through the scare of your Father being dx with Pancreatic Cancer. The last thing you truly want to read right now is who lost who to cancer, I am sure. I know I didn't. I just lost my Father 1.5yrs ago and he was my very best friend. What I can bring to you is that HOPE~FAITH~LOVE endures ALL pain and suffering and remaining positive but real is key. Don't blame God. He doesn't do these things to hurt us...we just don't have the wit to understand...just yet. My Poppi (Father) and I spoke about everything...always...right up to the end of his life. We had a few "extra times" stuck in there to let him stay a bit longer...then longer...in hindsight, I realized that he always told us he refused to grow old and lose his dignity. His wish was granted. Why do I share? I found comfort in knowing I was not alone. In strangers reaching out to a common ground...one I really did not want to share with them...but, God brings us together in ways that we don't always understand and faith keeps us moving forward, blindly, hoping for miracles and praying for our loved ones. I don't doubt for a second that your Dad is a special man, son, brother, husband, Dad, friend. I can tell just in the way you write about him. So, know you are NOT alone and I am praying for his wellness, healing and peace through this journey. I am also praying for your comfort during these difficult and scary times. Stay positive. One day at a time and don't let yourself fall into the hooplaha of the Dr's...they are not always 100%~ mind over matter. Sending you a warm embrace~ Nicolle (via my Dear Friend at MixMingleGlow

August 20, 2010 - 12:51 am Megan - Sending good thoughts out to your entire family.

August 20, 2010 - 12:52 am Alicia - Hi Katie, you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers right now. Sending love and positive vibes from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

August 20, 2010 - 12:57 am Sara Kate - Stay strong, Katie! I'll send all the good vibes I can muster over to you and your family, and hope for the best outcome possible.

August 20, 2010 - 1:13 am karencilla - Katie, you and your dad are in my prayers tonight. Don't give up and have faith that everything is going to be okay . I am so sorry for your loss and even though you are going thru a difficult time, remember that you are not alone and that you are loved.

August 20, 2010 - 1:45 am cristina - Katie, You are so strong. I'm praying for you and your family. God Bless.

August 20, 2010 - 1:45 am Connie - You and your father are in my prayers! I just lost my mother to cancer and completely understand what you're going through. I am so sorry and am praying for the best! Time is something you can never get back as you well know! So make every moment count!

August 20, 2010 - 1:45 am Emilie Lynne - I'm thinking of you. I wish you the strength to make it through this hard time <3

August 20, 2010 - 2:04 am micaela - so i found you through letter's she wrote and the lovely idea of a love bomb and your post just brought tears to my eyes. i just want to hug you and your beautiful words that showed your beautiful heart. i'm praying for you and to God to ease your pain. xo

August 20, 2010 - 2:25 am Krista - Katie - I don't know you or your father, but I am praying for him and your family. I truly know how awful you must feel. Last December, my dad became VERY sick with a pancreatic disease. He was in an induced coma for several months as the sickness took over his body and we came closer and closer to losing him. But we prayed, prayed and prayed some more, and he survived. I thank God every day for that blessing, and I hope you will feel that blessing as well. Please know that you have hundreds of friends and strangers praying for you and your father. Stay strong - just as he is your rock in life, you need to be his rock now.

August 20, 2010 - 2:25 am Peliroo - Katie dear, we are sending strong prayers your way. Stay strong, okay? (Big Hug)

August 20, 2010 - 2:41 am Jen - our prayers are with your family at this difficult time. Stay strong. Give your dad the support he needs, we'll be here to give you the support you need.

August 20, 2010 - 2:46 am Evie - Keep on praying, honey. God knows what he's doing up there. Everything happens for a reason, no matter how small. Don't lose hope, we're all rooting for you.

August 20, 2010 - 2:47 am Mandy - I am so, so sorry that you and your family are going through this. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had words to help ease your worries, but please know you and your family are in my prayers. I will pray very hard for your father. Love, -Mandy "I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears." -psalm 34:4

August 20, 2010 - 2:59 am Tori - I cannot imagine the amount of pain you are in for your Dad right now. I hope it is enough to say that I am thinking of your family. Don't give up.

August 20, 2010 - 3:03 am Mathilde - One day soon, skies will be clearer and your heart will be lighter ... good luck in those tough times ** hugs **

August 20, 2010 - 3:09 am Stefanie - I'm very sorry to hear about what you and your family are going through right now. I will be thinking of y'all throughout this time. Sending lots of love and support your way!

August 20, 2010 - 3:12 am Liz - Oh Katie, I cannot even imagine. Please hang in there and savor every moment of your time with your dad. Bless you and yours.

August 20, 2010 - 3:15 am chantelle - We ARE rooting for you! He's gonna pull through! I'm sending all my luck your way. =D

August 20, 2010 - 3:31 am FreddieLynne - Nobody deserves to go through this sort of thing. You and your dad are brave people. Stay strong!

August 20, 2010 - 4:03 am Lori - Dearest Katie, You are loved. (Wrapping my arms around you right now, giving you a hug!) ~xo

August 20, 2010 - 5:08 am Vinay - Dear Katie, I can't imagine the tough times you are going through...and my belief in God tells me that he will agree to the deal you've asked him for....hope this msg reaches you at a time when you and your family are relieved with the positive test results for your dad... God Bless you all and give you all the strength required to come out of these tough times! With lots of love and prayers, Vinay

August 20, 2010 - 6:12 am Millie - So much love and so many prayers for you, sweet Katie, for your precious father, and for all of your family.

August 20, 2010 - 6:16 am Monica - Dear Katie, i can't really grasp or comprehend what you're going through but what i do know is that no-one should have to lose so much in life. its time like these when an army of strangers will come together, who will be silently rooting you on. i'm just a 15 year old kid and theres nothing i can possibly offer you except love. stay strong and enjoy the time you have with your dad whether it be a couple of moths or a couple of years. Lots of love from Australia

August 20, 2010 - 10:04 am Felicity - Katie, I know what you are going through. And I also know that people are always a million times as strong as they think.

August 20, 2010 - 10:09 am Aly - Katie, I am praying for you and your dad. I think I can understand what you're going through, knowing how much my own father means to me. Please know that we're all here for you. Be strong and brave; hopefully, you and your family will get through all of this easily.

August 20, 2010 - 11:37 am Rachel - Katie, I cannot possible imagine what you are going through right now having to face your dad's illness after the loss of your brother and brother-in-law. I admire your strength throughout this. My thoughts are with you and your dad. Sending love your way. Rach x

August 20, 2010 - 12:00 pm Mirthful - My thoughts are with you and your family. Hang in there, and remember to enjoy the time you have with your dad, I've got my fingers crossed that that time may be many, many years.

August 20, 2010 - 12:26 pm Hannah M - Katie- My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. Wishing you strength in the future, and I hope things work out for you

August 20, 2010 - 1:04 pm Mrs. G.I. Joe - Wow...your family has had to go through so much already. Its beautiful to see through your posts how strong your family is and all the love there. I can't imagine facing something like this with my dad, who is one of my best friends. We're praying so hard for your dad and your whole family.

August 20, 2010 - 4:02 pm Kristen - Sending thoughts, prayers and virtual hugs your way! Hope that God's plan lines up with yours to keep your Dad with you for as long as possible!!

August 20, 2010 - 5:43 pm Liza K - Mother Teresa once said, 'I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much'. I've made similar deals with God knowing I could never fulfill my promise to God, and He knew, too. All we can ask is for help along the way and pray this time your wishes are His, too. You and your family have given much & I pray you have many long years for your Dad to share all of life's mysteries with you and your children.

August 20, 2010 - 6:22 pm Laura Lawson - Praying for you, precious girl. God is cradling you in His arms and will never let go of you! Hang in there!

August 20, 2010 - 6:31 pm krsytal - My prayers are with you and your family Katie!

August 20, 2010 - 7:42 pm Carri - Oh honey, I'm praying for you. Loves and Hugs!

August 20, 2010 - 8:29 pm Claire Kiefer - Sending so much love, prayers, thoughts, and all kinds of good energy your way. My heart hurts for you right now, but I do believe that with enough collective praying and wishing and manifesting that miracles can happen. xoxoxoxoxoxo!

August 20, 2010 - 9:03 pm Michaela - My prayers are with you and your family, Katie!! Good luck and I hope it turns out well for you!

August 20, 2010 - 9:09 pm kkhaos - Dear Katie <3 Everything will be alright in the end. I promise.

August 20, 2010 - 11:37 pm Jana - Praying it will all turn out all right! Sending love and thoughts your way! xoxo

August 20, 2010 - 11:58 pm Sam Ordos - Katie - you are stronger than you think. Especially when you let God be your rock :) No matter what happens, your daddy will love you and be active in your life always - know that there is always great beauty and hope in life even in the midst of the pain. <3 I'm praying for you!

August 21, 2010 - 12:41 am Ashley - Dear Katie- I went through the same thing one year ago. My mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer on June 22, 2009. She was my best friend and everything to me. I know what you're going through and my heart hurts for you. My faith was the only thing that got me through. I will pray for you and your family as you walk this road. Savor every moment together. I am hoping the best for you!

August 21, 2010 - 1:12 am ~Cheryl - Hi Katie, God has a plan for us all. I pray that His plan for your Dad is to let him live longer on this Earth. It's true. God hears our prayers. But, answers them in His own way. Please know we all care! Hugs!!

August 21, 2010 - 2:22 am Katie - Katie, God wants your dad to live, I promise you this. He loves you, no matter what...please don't forget this. I can't begin to understand what you've been through/going through. I would never tell you that I understand, because I don't. I can say, however, that I pray for you now and love you with a slight ache in my heart. Live life on purpose and love hard despite the risk. It's worth it. signed, Katie S.

August 21, 2010 - 4:00 am Rhiannon - Hang in there Katie, I'm sure he'll pull through. You'll see

August 21, 2010 - 11:08 am amy - Never give up and be sure to remember to let people help you right now in your family's time of need. Your job right now is to be by your father's side and be the "frosting". Take care of yourself too, because if you stay strong you will be able to help him more. Please know that I will be keeping you, your Dad and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

August 21, 2010 - 12:55 pm Holly - Hang in there kiddo

August 21, 2010 - 2:11 pm Emily - Praying. For you, your dad, your family. Praying that you find that right church--and that right pastor who can help you with all this. Praying.

August 21, 2010 - 3:38 pm Melissa - Katie, you will make it through this. Stay strong and support your father and give him all your love. It's the best gift you could ever give him. I promise you that God is on your side. Work with him. Your father sounds like an amazing man who deserves all the best of life. My prayers and love are with you in this depressing Stay Strong, and your father will do the same.

August 21, 2010 - 6:34 pm Dith - Hey there, I don't know how God will respond to your requests, but I do know that He loves you and He also loves your Dad. I hope and pray that things will work out for the best. Keep trusting, keep hoping and keep being real with the Lord. It is the best way - no matter what. Take care, Dith

August 21, 2010 - 7:09 pm Joyce - Katie, I am always here for you! Don't hesitate to ever call if you need something. You are my friend forever and it pains me to know how much you have had to endure and continue to endure. I am praying for your dad. And I am praying for you. Love, Joyce

August 21, 2010 - 7:54 pm deedee r - Just want to send a hug today.

August 22, 2010 - 1:00 am Brigid - Katie- When you don't think that you have enough strength, you find that you do. My dad has been battling cancer for over two years - and it hits hard every day. But what gets me through is to think of all the good memories and times with my family (deceased, living). This is a virtual hug sent your way.

August 22, 2010 - 2:30 am brianna - Katie, I know what it feels like to lose someone so close to you after already losing loved ones, its hard and it sucks but you have to believe that there is a reason for everything(even if you can't quite figure the reason out yet) You and your family will remain in my prayers, I hope all goes better for you and for your father :) stay strong <3

August 22, 2010 - 6:32 am Matt Peters - Katie, we don't know eachother, but I've been where you're at. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer in 2001. You know nothing really fits when we say we're sorry, and all lives are so unique that we can't really say "I understand." Just know that there's people out there in your life that are there for you. Not all our angels are spiritual. Big love to you and your family. You're all in my thoughts.

August 22, 2010 - 11:42 am heidi - Dear Katie, Fathers really are special. I am praying for you and your family today and for the road ahead. I hope that you and your family can peace, comfort, strength and love in each other and in God. It sounds like you have a wonderful, loving family. I am really praying for the very best outcome on Wednesday and that God may guide you and hold you through every step of this journey. Stay strong - miracles happen everyday. Keep the faith, Katie. Heidi

August 22, 2010 - 11:43 am Terri - Praying for your Dad. Stay strong hun!

August 23, 2010 - 5:36 pm tifakaylakat - i'm really sorry, I hope everythings going okay.

August 23, 2010 - 6:32 pm Mariana - Stay strong! Hugs from Portugal

August 23, 2010 - 6:50 pm Emily Parsons - Keep praying, hopefully all will be okay. (: I'll pray too for your dad and you. Stay strong, don't give up. <3

August 23, 2010 - 11:58 pm Angus - God hears our prayers and there seem to be a few of us beseeching Him today. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

August 24, 2010 - 12:05 am EmKDee - Katie. From one daughter of a dad with pancreatic cancer to another, there's not much to say in times like these. My dad was diagnosed at 56. Unfortunately he didn't win the fight, but squeezed in a lot. It's a strain of cancer that isn't well-funded, and awareness isn't where it should be. . . and that sucks. It sucks big time. The only solace I could find is that, no matter what, your dad will never be gone, even as he struggles. Through your blog, your accomplishments, the love you give others, you are doing him proud. Big hugs.

August 24, 2010 - 1:22 am Jesyka - Stay strong and hopeful, everything will be okay. Much love to you and your family <3

August 24, 2010 - 1:44 am heather m - katie - i can do nothing else but pray for you, think of you, and hope for you that you all make it through this. how lucky your dad is to have you for a daughter. i will keep you all in my prayers as you go through this journey. heather

August 24, 2010 - 2:45 am Katherine - Hi Katie. I am so so sorry to hear about what your family is going through. There are no words that can help, I know. I can't imagine what this is like, but I think you are amazing for staying so strong throughout this. I pray for you and your family. You are amazing, and you are loved.

August 25, 2010 - 2:06 pm Sara - Katie, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. The worst thing I can think of is losing a loved one or watching one in pain. So sorry. Sara

August 29, 2010 - 4:23 pm heartmatters - Dearest Katie My heart is with you . My dad went through a similar illness , and while I know our families are very different we ( you and I and everyone ) all share in one anothers joy, grief, sorrows and growth. Be strong through this time , even though your heart is breaking and it feels like the sun may never shine ... It will , it does , life continues . You are a child of God and he hears your heart and kisses your tears. We love you Katie .

August 31, 2010 - 3:39 pm Twoey - You can do it Katie. I don't know what I would do without my dad to. I know that there is nothing I can say to fill the emptiness you're feeling. May God keep his hand on your shoulder during this painful time.

August 31, 2010 - 4:25 pm Dave - God Bless you Katie, and The Lord Will Provide. Dear Lord, thankyou for this wonderful day. Please put Your Healing Hand on Katie's father. Amen.

August 31, 2010 - 8:11 pm M.E. - Sweet Katie...You must be a wonderful daughter and your family is blessed that you are a part of it. Please read the book "Embraced By The Light" by Betty Eadie! It is amazing, it changed my life and the way I think...and you may be ready now for the message it has for your life. Please give it a read - I think it might help you during this difficult time in your life. Love and light to you.

September 1, 2010 - 12:45 am Katie - I will give that book a try. Thursday is his oncology appointment so I would like to have something to read to help me to feel more at peace with whatever may "be". Thank you.

September 1, 2010 - 11:24 pm Lola - Bless you, my dear.

September 2, 2010 - 1:43 am Bobby - Katie, I am praying for you. I know this is so rough for you and I wish that it didn't have to be like that. You are an amazing woman, and I know that I can't say "I understand" because only you know what you are going through. But I wish that there is some way to give you hope. I wish you the best. Don't give up, even though things seem hard. You are so strong.

August 20, 2010 - 4:10 am Tweets that mention ~Dear God~ August 15th, 2010 » Katie Bee Creative -- Topsy.com - [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Kate Billing, JaneBeNimble. JaneBeNimble said: Please give Katie a hug and your #love ~> http://bit.ly/d8FZSX (via The Love Bomb Family @dropalovebomb ) [...]

August 21, 2010 - 12:27 am Flawless Friday « Respectfully Captivating - [...] Katie’s blog (http://katiebeecreative.com/?p=2571) was flooded with around 200 encouraging posts. And I’m sure more will be [...]

~Not him…..~

Friday, August 13, 2010 at 3:32am Posted in Family, Uncategorized

I do not know what I would do without my Dad. What he adds to my life is not replaceable. He is always the voice of reason, the giver of wise advice and the preventer of near disasters. Really. For a lot of people, he is their rock. He is Superman. He juggles a lot of balls but still manages to always be there for everyone.

This is me, my Dad and my sister. It was taken about 6 years ago or so.

My dad has been sick. Not felt well. For a short period of time. Turns out he had lost 20 pounds in a week.

This is yesterday, text messaging and emailing.

Dad-

In ER at balboa hospital. They are running every test in the world. Checking

stomach, liver, pancreas & gall

bladder. They are leaning towards gall bladder.
Had portable ultrasound but going to the big one next. Xrays, blood, stools etc

me-
what time did you go in?

Dad-
6

me-
anything new?

Dad-

Sent: Wed, Aug 11, 2010 1:17 pm
Subject: Re: Status 840 AM

Well. Pretty bad news. It isn’t stomach or meds. I have a medium size tumor on my pancreas.
It is pinching the canal that feeds the bile to the intestinal track.

~~~~~~

The doctors were not hopeful on the reason the tumor is there. The scope and biopsy are tomorrow.
We’ll know for sure next week. More bad news on the location of the tumor. Not an easy place
to remove. Will know for sure about that later.

I went and picked up my sister and we went and saw him. He looked sick. He cried when he told us. I am trying to shut
negative out right now and just think only positive but I am having a hard
time keeping it together. I have moped around all day. I’m tired after no sleep but can’t sleep.
I have felt true grief today. I have felt true shock today.
And I keep hearing him and seeing him in my head. These thoughts keep running through my
head over and over.

Derek is out of town. Training. I got to talk to him last night. He’ll be done and then home soon.
Thank God. He loves my Dad as much as a son-in-law could ever love a father-in-law.
My Dad loves Derek. I know Derek is really sad and scared right now too.

We will keep praying for good news. There is a 15% chance of that. Please pray that
he is in that 15%. If not my heart will surely break.
~Katie

by Katie

44 comments

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August 13, 2010 - 3:49 am Sandra L. - Katie do not know you or your dad but he sounds alot like my husband. My children say the exact same thing about him. He is our rock but so is The Lord. I will be praying for you and your dad. May the peace of God fill your heart.

August 13, 2010 - 4:00 am Mary Ann - Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your family. It seems like you have been through so much already. I read your blog every few days, I love the creativity and the ideas I get from you. I'm hoping for the best. hugs

August 13, 2010 - 4:04 am sharron - I will pray hard and ask everyone I know to add him to their pray lists!

August 13, 2010 - 4:38 am Krista Nash - Definitely praying for your dad.

August 13, 2010 - 4:47 am Colette - oh Katie...I am sooo sorry you have to go through this. I will be praying for you and your dad. Love, Colette

August 13, 2010 - 5:00 am Melissa S. - Oh Katie I teared up reading this entry. I am praying your dad is in the 15%...thinking of you...Melissa

August 13, 2010 - 5:11 am Maria - I'm so sorry.... I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

August 13, 2010 - 6:03 am Tracy J - So sorry to read this...praying for you, your Dad, and your family.

August 13, 2010 - 7:21 am Char - Oh Katie...I am so sorry and will be Praying lots!!!

August 13, 2010 - 7:36 am Sue - Thinking of you and your family (((((((((hugs))))))) Hoping for the best news

August 13, 2010 - 7:44 am Cherie - Katie I am SO sorry! I feel the same about my dad so I can't even imagine what you are going through. We will keep your dad and family in our prayers!!! Let me know if you need ANYTHING!

August 13, 2010 - 9:14 am Peggy - Oh, Katie, I don't have any words of wisdom. Just hugs and hand holding. And some faith. and prayers. Thanks for sharing this. It will be okay.

August 13, 2010 - 9:35 am Kathleen - Sending prayers today for your family.

August 13, 2010 - 12:12 pm Linda - Praying that everything works out o.k.

August 13, 2010 - 12:50 pm Keshet Shenkar - Praying for him, Katie:(

August 13, 2010 - 1:54 pm Sheila R - Sending prayers your way for your Dad, you and your family.

August 13, 2010 - 2:30 pm Amy H - Oh, Katie. So sorry you are going through this. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.

August 13, 2010 - 3:35 pm Pamela Davis - Katie, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time.

August 13, 2010 - 4:41 pm slammie - P&PT heading out along with HUGE HUGS!

August 13, 2010 - 5:07 pm Ale Loiacono - Oh Katie, I'm so sorry to hear that... but he is already on my prayers and I hope that everything goes well tomorrow. Please let me know if you need anything. Big hug to you and your family.

August 13, 2010 - 9:49 pm Erika M - Praying for you, your dad, and your family.

August 13, 2010 - 10:29 pm Leah C - Oh Katie, I will be praying & praying! Wishing your Dad well...hugs to you...

August 13, 2010 - 10:42 pm Olivia - My dad is my world too so I can only begin to imagine what you are going through. You & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

August 13, 2010 - 11:19 pm Patty M - Katie, I've been away a while and just wanted to check in on your creative soul. What a post to come back to...my heart is breaking for you right now. I have a "rock of my world" for a father, too. My prayers will start immediately...Hold tight to God's promise...his innate goodness...and his providence in every situation. Blessings to you, Patty

August 13, 2010 - 11:49 pm Jennifer B - OH Katie, I am praying for your dad and your family. Try to get some rest this weekend so you will feel better. Hugs to you all.

August 14, 2010 - 12:07 am Tami Mays - Prayers for you Dad coming your way. Hugs. Tami

August 14, 2010 - 12:11 am Lisa M. Pace - Katie, prayers are being sent to you, your dad and family. Hugs for you all.

August 14, 2010 - 3:05 am Dorrie - I read your blog all the time and have read about the sadness in your family. I pray that the news is good and that God holds you all very tight tonight. xo

August 14, 2010 - 4:52 am Stephanie Ackerman - praying for all of you...

August 14, 2010 - 3:45 pm Michelle Quinn - Just wanted to send you prayers and strength. Thinking of you and your family today.

August 14, 2010 - 4:50 pm Carol Sutton - So sorry Katie - will pray!

August 14, 2010 - 5:20 pm Leslee Barrow - Katie, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Saying a prayer for you all and sending strength for you to deal with it all. Leslee in MG

August 14, 2010 - 7:50 pm Kay - Katie ... I am praying for your Dad as well as the rest of your family that he is in the 15% ... I know personally how much a pancreatic tumor can impact a family. May God grant you peace through the upcoming tests and diagnosis.

August 14, 2010 - 8:32 pm deedee r - Oh honey, I am praying! I am so sorry you're all going through this.

August 14, 2010 - 8:33 pm JenGallacher - I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's tumor. I'm thinking about you!!

August 14, 2010 - 11:10 pm Sandy McClay - Katie, I am so sorry you are in such a tough spot right now....know that I am thinking of you and your family and your Dad....If I could say one thing , this is what I would say....No matter what happens,( and I pray for good news) be with him as much as possible and tell him everything you want to say....everything. We just never know....I am praying that the 15% becomes much larger......Sandy

August 15, 2010 - 2:00 am sharron - Hey girl just checking back in on you and your Dad. Just know that our thoughts and prayers are with you!!

August 15, 2010 - 2:14 am connie k. - Good thoughts being sent your way...I hope that you will all get only good news..

August 15, 2010 - 5:42 am Barbi - My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family katie. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man, the way you describe him sounds alot like my dad. He passed away in 2005 and my mom passed last year.Stay strong I am sending you warm comforting hugs. Barbi

August 15, 2010 - 6:49 am Denise - I'll be praying for you, your dad and your family. God bless.

August 15, 2010 - 5:24 pm Kim L - Prayers for you and your family! 15% is always better than 0%. Keep the faith!

August 15, 2010 - 8:04 pm Sharon Worley - Katie, I found your blog today totally by accident. I have read your post with tears in my eyes. Your love for your dad is so evident. I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and your family and keeping all of you in my prayers. We went through this same situation with my mom several years ago and I can tell you that your love and devotion to your dad will make things so much easier for him. Hang in there.

August 15, 2010 - 8:38 pm Katie - Sharron, i have been unable to post a follow up. Our appt. did not go well. We find out for sure on Wed. But so far, my heart is breaking.

August 16, 2010 - 10:14 am Ebony van der Starre - Hi Katie, I have been a stalker of your blog for a little while now as you are very inspiring. But after reading your last few posts I felt I needed....no wanted to send you love. We have obviously never met, I live in Australia but my heart breaks for you reading these. I wish you, your dad and your family all the love and luck in the world. xxx

~Sew Pretty~

Tuesday, August 10, 2010 at 4:14pm Posted in Home Decor, Maya Road, Mini Albums, October Afternoon, Projects

This is my last pennant project……..4 total is what I made. Each with a creating theme….(Design, Create, Sew and Crafting) and each with a totally different look. I saved my favorite for last.

The Maya Road product list below-

New Product-

Pennant Chipboard Album

Cream velvet pleat blossom

red grosgrain pleat ribbon

Vintage green pearl trinket pin

other MR product-

Red and white flower trinket pins

Philadelphia Upper Case Chipboard Letters

Sew Cute mini chipboard set

Red gingham ribbon

The stitches are the Border Rubons from October Afternoon’s Thrift Shop. I also used Jenni Bowlin letters.

The background is actually a sewing pattern…because it’s tissue paper you need to use a dry adhesive. It’s too transparent for a wet adhesive. The Helmar tape runner is excellent for any dry runner needs. It’s amazing. I don’t work for them, I just love their products. It doesn’t show through the tissue paper at all. Just put it straight onto the chipboard.

Have a happy Tuesday!

Hannah has to have 3 baby teeth pulled today so keep your fingers crossed for her! She has a bit of anxiety when it comes to needles. Derek picked a good week to be out of town.

~Katie

by Katie

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~Even Banners on layouts……..~

Monday, August 9, 2010 at 4:34pm Posted in Maya Road, October Afternoon

sigh…….I am addicted to banners. I should go to a support group, banners anonymous. Hi my name is Katie and I am addicted to banners.

Anyhow. Moving on.

I really am not very good at creating layouts, I am much more comfortable with mini albums and altered projects….but occasionally I do make a layout or two.

This is the Report Card line by October Afternoon and the cards are the new Wild Cards that are a part of the new updated Report Card line. The line is a great line and they added some wonderful pieces to it at CHA.

I love this picture of Maddy playing school. This girl will be a teacher for sure when she grows up. She plays school every day. I can hear her from my craft room teaching her stuffed animals students. It’s funny because since I have worked in her class every year I know what all her teachers sound like and I know their teaching styles…Maddy has picked up a little of each teacher. Mostly her teacher last year, whom she adored. She sounds like a little Mrs. Stanfield….and really, Maddy has the smartest stuffed animals on the block!

The next layout that I have to share with you today is a Christmas one. This is using October Afternoon’s Very Merry line.

I cut apart the flashcard from the flashcard book to use on my page as part of my title.

These are the new Maya Road Pennant Banners that I used for my title. Can you say, LOVE?

Anyhow, nothing like a Holiday layout in August.

Have a great Monday!

~Katie

by Katie

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~Watering my spirit one drop at a time…..~

Sunday, August 8, 2010 at 9:03pm Posted in About Me

This is not a crafty post but a Katie randomness post You may relate to it. You may just think I am a nut job.

We have a pretty big piece of property. The former owners of our house were some older retired people whose only activity was to garden. The woman had a magical touch with the plants and trees and she also had sunrise to sunset to take care of them. I, on the other hand, do not have that magical touch. I have no clue what I am doing and only the strong have survived. Poor plants. Our sprinkler system is broken and beyond repair. It would have to be replaced, to the tune of 5K. So, for now, we hand water the property. Ramona gets hot, it’s a dust-bowl in the summer, dry as the desert……so watering is essential. We have 4 hoses.

I am always on alert for these..

oh yes, this is from our yard. I am always watching for them. Rattle, rattle.

So, the other thing about watering is that I get super bored and I think my mind runs away from me a bit. There are big Rosemary bushes on our property. The baby bunny (crafty pic below, it’s the only pic I have on this computer) used to live in the bush outside the kitchen window and after the bunny would finish the food plate we would put out for it….

this or these little guys would come out………………..oh my………..

i’m a country girl,

i’m a country girl,i’m a country girl,i’m a country girl,i’m a country girl,i’m a country girl,i’m a country girl

not a city girl. right?

anyhoo………well, rat,mouse or whatever it is……that Rosemary bush still needs water. So I water it….but all I can picture in my head as I water that bush is this….

The Secret of NIMH …………

I always giggle at myself as I water but that little girl still inside me hopes that the water isn’t leaking down into the rat/mouses labyrinth of tunnels that I just know exists underneath the Rosemary bush.

I spend a lot of time watering. I use that time as downtime or time to think. Sometimes I turn it into a game….with 4 hoses, I can get 4 areas started at the same time and be running around changing hoses on a pretty regular basis…..but most of the time, it is just me and my one hose.

I do hose tricks to make the time pass. I put the hose on the fastest hardest setting and try to aim for dead leaves……I try knocking them to the ground…sometimes I make polka-dots and patterns in the dirt with the water, sometimes I try to see if I can break my record of how many plants I can effectively water with one hose at one time. I spray gopher holes and stink bugs, if I hit the stink bug just right I can make it bounce a few feet away. I am pure evil with a hose. Really.

The hose is my weapon of choice.

I have figured out how to cool the air with the hose to make it not quite so miserable on hot watering days. Just spray into the breeze and the water cools the air and the cool breeze feels so good when it hits you!!

I have also discovered that hummingbirds love to play in the hose water. If you spray a gentle sprinkle they will come and dart in and out of the water.

I have figured out exactly how water can move soil and how water will usually not break a spider web.

I have learned that it makes me feel really good to know that I am cooling down the plants and trees and quenching their thirst. Kind of like that feeling you have after you feed your hungry family, except no dishes to do, so even better.

I have learned that even in doing something that seems so simple, there is much to be learned and much to be enjoyed. Funny little lesson to be learned at 39. I’ll take all the good lessons that I can learn though.

~Katie

by Katie

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August 8, 2010 - 11:04 pm carmen perez - Katie, i luv that last pic of u holding the camera. i can't believe how long your hair is!!!!

August 9, 2010 - 4:27 am kathy haase - we have a bunny in our yard too. we have been leaving her carrots and hoping the coyotes don't find her. those nasty coyotes left us nasty reminder in the form of a half eaten possum. ewwwwww. hope your bunny is safe under the rosemary bush.

August 9, 2010 - 5:47 am Chel - Starting to really enjoy your posts. I got a chuckle about the hose and that silly movie I had totally forgot about it, but I loved it as a kid. I feel like if we lived by each other we would be friends. I also enjoy watering my flowers. Oh and we are the same age! :)

August 9, 2010 - 4:42 pm sharron - yay for watering your soul..it is the little things that bring peace to our hearts.

August 10, 2010 - 1:53 pm Cindy - so after totally freaking out about the rattlesnake pic (yes, i am scared of pics of snakes!!), i totally enjoyed the rest of your post :) had a few giggles this morning, so thanks for that!! cindy

August 14, 2010 - 3:11 pm Vickey - Enjoyed this post -- photos, thoughts. Loved, loved, loved your thoughts and skills with the hose! I'm not a yard work, watering type person, but maybe if I took some tips from you I'd do better.

August 14, 2010 - 8:36 pm deedee r - Love Secret of Nimh as a child. Your water hosing reminds me of being a child playing in the yard. Yikes to the rattlers!

August 25, 2010 - 4:12 am Danielle - You have such a way with words, Katie! I think you should become a writer. Really! I love to read your stories! Reading that made me feel like I was right there with a hose along side you. :)

Katie Bee Creative » This blog is about my creations, my life and my family. ~Katie Watson

Welcome to my Blog!

~The thing is….~

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~Dear Toothfairy….~

~Ramblings and 11:11~

~Dear God~ August 19th, 2010.

~Dear God~ August 15th, 2010

~Not him…..~

~Sew Pretty~

~Even Banners on layouts……..~

~Watering my spirit one drop at a time…..~

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